If I had a nickel for every time I realized a guy was using me… I would have none because only my friends have called these men’s tricks until I finally snapped out of it. That is WHY I wrote this article, because if you do not have the type of ANGELS around you that can tell you when you deserve better, maybe this list can help you cut some ties that are not very fulfilling in your life.
Based on my experience, and even my friends’ experiences, these are some of the signs that can let you know that this person is really not that into you:
- How he sees or refers to you when being in public or in private
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Just because he is not hiding you from his friends, it does not mean he is taking you seriously. His friends can refer to you as his girlfriend, but if it does not level up from there, he will probably never ask you to be his girlfriend or present you to his family.
- He does not use first-person plural pronouns
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When he talks about the future, he does not use “us”, “we”, “ours”. He might say “When you have kids you will-“, “When you have a house”, “When you get married”. You might think “he probably just wants to take things slowly”, I mean, yeah, that could be a possibility, but there is always the chance you are just someone he considers as temporal. That is why you have to be very aware, but not to the extent it makes you paranoid, which, let me be honest, most of the time these situationships turn us psychotic or paranoid. If you are in this stage already, RUN.
- Does not make time slots for you
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He only makes plans with you when he is available. I mean- yeah, you need to respect boundaries and your partner’s time, but in this case, he only makes plans with you when he has absolutely nothing else going on in his life. Is it not weird that he never makes up time for you? Yeah, he is probably not that into you.
- He does not appreciate nor give you the little things
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He does not even do the bare minimum. He does not spend time watching a movie with you, or even cook for you. Trust me, when a man is in love with you, he does not have to buy you a Pandora ring, but he will at least give you a chocolate bar without you asking. If this man has never gone out of his way to at least give you little things, he is probably not taking you seriously.
- Lack of gestures in the “relationship”
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He does not put the effort to open doors for you, he will take the left side of the sidewalk, and make you walk alone to his apartment or any place he is at. When a man likes you, he will never let anything put you at risk, but it is not because he thinks you are weak, it is just instinct because when they love someone, they come out of their way to take care of that person. However, it must also be taken into consideration that each person shows their affection in different ways, and that is why communication is important in a relationship.
- Late night invites
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He does not text because “he is busy”, and after days of ghosting, he will simply ask you to hang out at his apartment. Wow, the butterflies you get after getting ignored for days, missing him, and knowing you will finally spend the day… *ehm* night with him. You are not an owl for him to desire to see you only at night. You are a soaring eagle who’s wings deserve to be admired on a bright sunny day. It is a real dopamine booster until you realize that he never takes you to the beach, to the mall, to the park, or even for a stroll… that is when it all hits like a truck.
- Presence of exes in their social media content
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Finding pictures of him and his ex on social media. I have seen people say “Oh, but those are memories-” I agree, but you know you can archive those posts, right? Weirdly, you say that breakup destroyed you and have those pictures in your Instagram feed. A little odd, huh?
- Being complimented rarely… or, never?
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He never calls you beautiful. You can spend hours getting so beautiful, and he will never come out of his way to let you know. Maybe the first few days you go out, he sure will, but once he knows you are “his”, he will not bother. That is how little you mean to him. When a guy is in love with you, even when you feel at your worst, even if your hair is messy and you have not done your skincare routine, he will light up when he sees you and call you beautiful. He will call you beautiful so much that you will cringe because many of these times you’ll be like “I did not even wash my hair today?”.
- One sided Conversations
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He only talks about himself. Do you constantly find yourself admiring him when he does all his yapping, just like that scene where the kens singing to the Barbies; but then when it is your time to talk about your goals, your day, literally anything about you, either he interrupts you and makes it about himself or does not listen to you, and once you call him out he will only say “I am listening to you”, while using his phone and staring at you with the most uninterested face.
- Trouble in paradise
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He does not see what you post. Imagine being in the “honeymoon” stage, what at least is supposed to be, and he does not even look at what you post or admire your pictures. This is shattering, that once he realizes he has you hooked, he stops paying attention to you.
- Lack of recognition
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This is for my HC Campus girlies: he NEVER goes out of his way to repost your articles or posts. It can be a bit harsh because I know not everyone likes posting on social media. I can let that one slide, but when he does not even take his time to see your content, to READ your articles, girl… It is so embarrassing to see friends who are not even that close compliment your content, and then you find out this person did not even acknowledge your work. It is even worse when your content is monthly! You cannot admire your partner’s work at least once a month?
Dear reader, if you identify with any of these, it is time to get out of there and buy yourself flowers for Valentine’s Day. If you decide to stay, I get it, because I know it’s hard to get out when you find yourself having your heart knotted to this person, but just a quick warning, there might be the possibility that instead of receiving a dozen roses on valentine’s day, you will spend this day alone until he randomly invites you to his apartment. Don’t ignore those RED FLAGS!!!