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The “Phase Where You Slowly Hate Your Girlfriend” Thread: Let’s Talk About It

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UPR chapter.

The thread started with Twitter user @Sk1tguru on Oct 2, 2023 and it reads “that phase where you slowly start hating your girlfriend is crazy😭.” This statement alone is severely problematic in many ways, from the way it’s written to present itself as a fact, to the way it also pretends to be a joke. He goes on to joke about how he self-sabotages on purpose, so his girlfriend would break up with him. He ignorantly writes “You’ll be having a bad day and when she hugs you, it becomes even worse” insinuating that he seriously doesn’t even appreciate such a crucial part of a relationship like affection. His language and insinuated behavior concretes a scary ideal that every woman fears. You can see how almost instantly, the toxicity spread like a wildfire and about 18K responses reflected the same behavior, or even worse, if that’s even possible. All comments were written in a similar form as the original post.

All other replies mostly support the statement, and include their own versions on how their girlfriends are bothersome in these men’s daily lives. There’s an interesting correlation between most of these comments: all of them disrespect or undermine women. Moreover, these comments confirm the assumed cliché and fear that women have been living with for as long as we can remember, that we are only placeholders for men, objects to entertain and complement. It is even more terrifying that most of these men have partners and actually agree with the statements from the thread. The confirmation that the man that you are with likely has these thoughts, when you think he is apart from that misogynistic culture is terrifying but, most of all, it’s depressing.

To a certain degree, we all know that all men aren’t like this. They also deal with the burden of growing up in a world where boys are subjected to toxic masculinity and are encouraged to not be vulnerable, leading to viewing any emotion as somewhat “too-much.” Nevertheless, there is a genuine fear as a woman that if we like too much, or give too much emotionally, as well as physically, you will be hated for just that. There’s a contradiction when it comes down to it; “neediness” seems to be a common pet-peeve among all of them. In spite of the fact that they also want someone who can give their time to please them. A “perfect” balance for this type of man, and a complete nightmare for women who are trying to figure out how to make them happy. 

In an article called “Why Women Get Called ‘Needy Women’” by Ian Stobber, he wrote an interesting text that made me ponder on the contradiction that women go through when it comes to relationships and the concept of the “so-called needy woman:”

“Women who date men are often placed in a double bind, here — they are expected to fall deeply in love; to be loyal to, and supportive of, their partners, and yet, when they attempt to do so, they are too often rebuffed by men who have no particular interest in meeting them halfway, let alone putting in any emotional work on the relationship”

Overall, the Twitter thread was honestly not the best way to regain some hope on the future of men and women’s relationships. Regardless, it does offer a perspective on men who contradict themselves on what they want from a partner and how misogynistic their views can be especially when they most of all, consciously and ignorantly use women as placeholders. Even though they are not satisfied and hate their girlfriends, they still choose to stay. Which sadly says a lot about these men. You could say that is ultimately the biggest contradiction of all.    

Katteryn M. Hilario Valdez is an aspiring writer at Her Campus at UPR. The topics she covers in her articles range from entertainment and fashion to life experiences and mental health awareness. Besides her role on Her Campus, Katteryn is currently a Senior at the University of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras Campus, majoring in Psychology. However, she’s also in the works on getting a second major on Journalism. She plans to use her knowledge and practice of writing and media literature to build a successful career on the mix of the two. When she isn’t writing for Her Campus, you can see her writing and reading poetry when she’s inspired, as well as writing essays on the types of media that catch her eye. You can also find her writing songs and doing karaoke in her alone time. In fact, she loves music related shows like High School Musical: The Musical: The Series or Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and romantic comedies like 13 Going On 30. She also spends her time digging into anything video game related in her downtime. Most of all, she has an interest in anything she can learn and improve from, always looking to grow her practical and logical skills for her professional and personal career.