The thread started with Twitter user @Sk1tguru on Oct 2, 2023 and it reads “that phase where you slowly start hating your girlfriend is crazy😭.” This statement alone is severely problematic in many ways, from the way it’s written to present itself as a fact, to the way it also pretends to be a joke. He goes on to joke about how he self-sabotages on purpose, so his girlfriend would break up with him. He ignorantly writes “You’ll be having a bad day and when she hugs you, it becomes even worse” insinuating that he seriously doesn’t even appreciate such a crucial part of a relationship like affection. His language and insinuated behavior concretes a scary ideal that every woman fears. You can see how almost instantly, the toxicity spread like a wildfire and about 18K responses reflected the same behavior, or even worse, if that’s even possible. All comments were written in a similar form as the original post.
All other replies mostly support the statement, and include their own versions on how their girlfriends are bothersome in these men’s daily lives. There’s an interesting correlation between most of these comments: all of them disrespect or undermine women. Moreover, these comments confirm the assumed cliché and fear that women have been living with for as long as we can remember, that we are only placeholders for men, objects to entertain and complement. It is even more terrifying that most of these men have partners and actually agree with the statements from the thread. The confirmation that the man that you are with likely has these thoughts, when you think he is apart from that misogynistic culture is terrifying but, most of all, it’s depressing.
To a certain degree, we all know that all men aren’t like this. They also deal with the burden of growing up in a world where boys are subjected to toxic masculinity and are encouraged to not be vulnerable, leading to viewing any emotion as somewhat “too-much.” Nevertheless, there is a genuine fear as a woman that if we like too much, or give too much emotionally, as well as physically, you will be hated for just that. There’s a contradiction when it comes down to it; “neediness” seems to be a common pet-peeve among all of them. In spite of the fact that they also want someone who can give their time to please them. A “perfect” balance for this type of man, and a complete nightmare for women who are trying to figure out how to make them happy.
In an article called “Why Women Get Called ‘Needy Women’” by Ian Stobber, he wrote an interesting text that made me ponder on the contradiction that women go through when it comes to relationships and the concept of the “so-called needy woman:”
“Women who date men are often placed in a double bind, here — they are expected to fall deeply in love; to be loyal to, and supportive of, their partners, and yet, when they attempt to do so, they are too often rebuffed by men who have no particular interest in meeting them halfway, let alone putting in any emotional work on the relationship”
Overall, the Twitter thread was honestly not the best way to regain some hope on the future of men and women’s relationships. Regardless, it does offer a perspective on men who contradict themselves on what they want from a partner and how misogynistic their views can be especially when they most of all, consciously and ignorantly use women as placeholders. Even though they are not satisfied and hate their girlfriends, they still choose to stay. Which sadly says a lot about these men. You could say that is ultimately the biggest contradiction of all.