As a young girl, I imagined meeting the love of my life in high school. When that didn’t work out, I was sure I would find them in college, just like many people do. However, as the years went by and my efforts to meet the one never came to fruition, I started to question my methods, whether I was coming on too strong or not at all. But I continued thinking I still had time; that was until the people around me started questioning my parents about my relationship status, from my family constantly asking about when they would meet my boyfriend to my parents’ coworkers asking them when they were going to become grandparents. I can’t deny that I was getting a bit desperate and my age started to bother me as my classmates from high school were already getting married and some were going on their third kid or onto their second marriage, while I was still in college. You always hear the “don’t worry,” “take your time,” “everyone goes at their own pace;” but it’s easier said than done. So I tried to do the one thing I thought I’d never do…online dating. I got on Tinder, posted my pictures, and wrote what I thought was a good bio that would get people’s attention. And it worked. I started to get a lot of matches but they either wanted a one-night stand, to keep things casual or just wanted friends. The conversations I had with them were equally disappointing, considering they would either constantly talk about their ex, leave me on read for days or shower me with compliments regarding my body that ultimately made me feel uncomfortable.
One day I got a match that actually got along with me. He was younger than me and I later found out that we went to the same high school. I’m not really good with names or faces so I asked my friends if they knew of him. All I got from them were negative comments about him, such as his disrespectful behavior towards adults and authority in general. Even teachers I still kept in contact with had nothing nice to say about him either. He sounded like a walking red flag so I ghosted him. I ended up deleting the app and refusing to ever speak to him again. After a few weeks, I suddenly got a message and a friend request from him on Facebook which, I’m not gonna lie, freaked me out a little bit. I thought my ghosting was a clear sign of rejection.
After deleting the app, I still kept my hopes up when it came to forming relationships online. A while later when I was accepted on an internship overseas I managed to meet other people that were also accepted through Facebook. There I got to talking with a guy who made it pretty obvious he wanted to meet up but, once I found out that he was planning on staying there while I was going to go back home, I decided it was best to stop communication, so as not to waste each other’s time. Then I got to meet another guy online. He wasn’t the most attractive guy I’d ever met but he made good conversation and made me laugh, so when he asked me out on a date, I decided to give it a shot. When the day came to finally meet, the man I saw waiting for me was not the guy in the picture. He was about 20 years older. He didn’t give me an awkward laugh and mention how different he looked from the picture, he just mentioned how he got us an Uber. During the ride, I spent more time talking to the driver than to him. I was so confused and slightly scared. Since the beginning of the whole ordeal, I just wanted to go back home. However, by this point, we were already in the Uber and soon we were at the restaurant ordering food. While there, he mostly talked about himself and I got to know that I wasn’t the first girl he’s gone out with and taken to the exact same restaurant. He said he got them nice presents and he thought they got along just fine but after a while of getting to know each other, they all suddenly blocked him. I couldn’t help but think “It’s because you’re a catfish!”
After dinner, we walked around for a bit, and again, he kept talking about himself, stopping to ask me if I was enjoying the date. I nodded and lied. I managed to text a friend to fake an emergency to help me get out of there. It worked. Our date was cut short. We got an Uber back to my place and he asked me if we could meet again. I nodded and lied. I basically ran up to my apartment and once in my room, I blocked him on all my social media accounts. I felt I could finally breathe but a few days later, a coworker I was friendly with asked me to hang out stating that she was inviting some of her friends. The day arrives and lo and behold, I saw him again. He was one of her friends! My date with him was the most uncomfortable situation I had ever been in, and now this hangout became the second most uncomfortable situation I had been in. I spent the day wondering if he would tell them about us and pictured them getting angry with me for ghosting their friend and ditching me on the side of the road to take an Uber back home. Thankfully he never said anything but by the end of the day my anxiety levels were through the roof.
My coworker and I didn’t talk much after that. I felt like she was actively ignoring me, which made me think he told her about the “date” afterward and so she was behaving this way as a sort of payback. But whatever the case, after that day, I didn’t see him again.
Now, what I’ve gotten from my experience in the online dating world is that there are three types of people. Those that are red flags, those that just want a casual relationship, and those that are truly looking for love. And in a category, all of their own is the catfish.