Seasons may change and time may go by, but there’s something that remains inexplicable and recurring: why do people from Florida commit such bizarre and unsettling crimes? At a global scale, I know that many people are desensitized (as I am, to a certain degree) when these strange headlines pop up on their news feeds, but the amount of news stories that start with the title ‘’’Florida Man’’ or ‘’Florida Woman’’ and end with a surprise twist is alarmingly high. To celebrate the spooky season, let’s list some of the most surprising crimes committed by women from the Sunshine State.
- Florida Woman Crashes a Wedding to Spy on Her Ex
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Shelby McDowell showed up uninvited at a wedding that her ex-boyfriend was attending on October 21st of last year to ‘’see if he was betraying her,’’ according to Huffington Post. She claimed that he was still her significant other at the time, although Darby Johns, her ex, didn’t acknowledge this as factual. Apparently, she wore a black wig to the event to avoid being recognized, and once she saw Johns walking into the ballroom with someone else, she went ballistic. After throwing her drink at her ex’s date and punching her in the eye, she fled to the bathroom, where afterward she was attacked by some bridesmaids. She was arrested afterward and smiled, with a bloody lip and a satisfied smirk, for her booking photo.
- Florida Woman Pulls Gun on Lawn Worker for Making Too Much Noise
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Back in September of 2014, a man was almost found dead for being a bit too noisy. In a scene that is vaguely reminiscent of the murderess Liz (better known as Pop) from Chicago’s iconic number, Cell Block Tango, Gina Briggs threatened to shoot a maintenance worker for waking her up. According to the lawn worker, before she pulled out her gun, she warned him: “I don’t care. You got to get out of here because I’m killing you.’’ She was later charged for aggravated assault and concealment of a firearm. Police officers from Ormond Beach reported that she claimed she would have shot him in the head, but she forgot to load her weapon. Who knows if she would have gotten away with it.
- Florida Woman Claims She Murdered Her Husband Because of Dog Poop
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Apparently, it is possible to run into, or in this case, have someone’s knife land into yourself. During June of this year, a woman in Lakeland, FL claims that the murder of her husband was completely accidental. ABC reported that she claimed to authorities that she was cutting a pizza with a kitchen knife when her dog made a mess on the floor. As she was trying to clean up the feces, with the knife still in hand, she slipped and her knife ‘’fell into her husband.’’ On June 25th, he was confirmed dead. Authorities were unable to corroborate her story, as she changed it several times, and there was no sight of dog urine or feces at the scene of the crime. Although she claimed her relationship was wonderful, her neighbors stated that they often heard fighting coming from her house.
- Florida Woman Escapes Mental Health Facility With a Rope
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AHS: Asylum, anyone? CBS reported, on March 15th, 2017, that a woman escaped the South Florida State Hospital with the sole help of a man and a rope. During that afternoon, a man was spotted near the security fence and was observed throwing a rope over it. Soon after, Genevieve Mittermaier performed an athletic feat that would impress any high school gym teacher, got out of the facility, and fled with the man in his car. She was found a day after, in Georgia. Maybe she was being kept there unjustly? Apparently, she was submitted to treatment involuntarily despite a court-mandated order. Maybe she really needs help? Who’s to say?
- Florida Woman Commits Arson in Bra Section at a Macy’s
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A few weeks ago, security footage at a Macy’s in Ocala, FL caught footage of a woman dressed in white, wig included, setting fire to the bra and lingerie section of the said store, according to WFTV. There are very few details about how it happened, but officials stated that the woman wandered around the store for 45 minutes, more or less, and then “at some point’’—according to police—set fire to an assortment of undergarments. Whatever the bizarre reason behind this may be, at least her look is memorable.
- Florida Woman Sets Ex-Boyfriend on Fire during Easter Sunday Dinner
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“You are going to pay,’’ said Shivon Perez as she doused gasoline on her ex-boyfriend before setting him on fire, running off, and locking him inside of her apartment. Her ex-partner had visited her because she invited him there for dinner. NBC reported that the crime committed in Altamonte Springs, FL, provoked her to be charged with arson, attempted homicide, and kidnapping. According to authorities, she ran back into the apartment to get her dog out, but suffered smoke inhalation and had to go to a hospital afterward. We can only imagine what it was that her ex-partner had to pay for.
If any of these stories sent a chill down your spine, don’t blame me. Blame Florida.