When I was asked to choose between love or a career… I always had a clear answer. Love does not pay the bills and stating that you’ve fallen in love multiple times in a resume won’t cut it either. For the longest time (up to this day) I think having or working towards a career is the most important thing at this point in my life. Specifically at my age, and even more so now that I stand within a year’s reach of completing my bachelor’s degree. In short, every single move and decision you make at this point counts and should be considered to be relevant. While I do think love is important, I believe it is also a distraction. When JLO sang “Love don’t cost a thing”, she clearly did not know what she was talking about…
I’ve always believed that the concept of love or “falling in love” is something reserved for those who actually had the time for it. Because while JLO thinks it doesn’t cost a thing… It does cost time and energyーsome of the few things I can’t afford. So for the longest time I completely closed my mind off of this idea. Even then, it never meant I did not want it; I just knew I wanted my career or the idea of a stable future even more. In reality, this particular train of thought was due to the fact that it was easier for me to think of work or studying nonstop than to accept that I did not have the best examples of love around me. Growing up in a divorced household and with parents that put their university studies aside for each other did not really seem like the perfect fairytale to make me think I could have it all. On top of that, I’ve seen firsthand, through other family members’ and friends’ experiences, how blind love truly is. To be honest, falling in love scared me. Was I bound to put my professional aspirations aside? Was I to be so blind as to forget about my friends and even family members over this one person?
And so, I came to think of love as a hoax; a joke everyone was into… but me. Somehow, I was okay with this. In a true Miranda Hobbes fashion, while most of my friends were busy falling in love (which I do not judge them for), I was busy creating the professional life I wanted. Amongst this new reality, I discovered that my fear of personal success made my professional life flutter. However, did I really want to be that person that only cared about their career? Was I indeed falling in love with my career? Even worse, did I achieve everything I did not want with love… but with my career? Even worse yet… Was I losing the best years of my life over my career, when there were people around me that were doing both?
Besides seeing love as a distraction, I realized that I also feared my performance. Was I bound to be the stereotypical douchebag who couldn’t answer texts and calls because he was always working, or who had to leave a date early because of a meeting? My desire for success and fear of failure made my hands too full to the extent of not even being able to even try. Somehow, I had to incorporate yet another thing into the agenda. Dating and relationships are things that must be done right. For this reason, I feared that I would not be able to do so because of my hectic schedule.
After realizing what I was doing, I decided to open myself to the idea of dating…and maybe even falling in love. Someone wise once told me that only I have the ability to establish the limits of what will happen during dating and with that, I felt prepared to explore my surroundings. Also, I would never learn how I acted around dating or relationships until I, indeed, put myself out there. As expected, I found a little bit of everything. All in all, I met people who ghosted me because I was always busy and others that respected my ambition and got to know me as much as they could. Even then, my goals and professional aspirations did not change, and I felt very relieved to know that I would not put myself in second place like I expected to.
I have started to choose both because I’ve realized that ( regardless of how cheesy it sounds) falling in love and continuing to work towards my career was indeed a possibility. More than falling in love or creating a relationship, I have decided that whoever I choose to date must understand my agenda, my personal ambitions and aspirations. While I still fear falling in love and losing myself, I must recognize that I’m also not my family members nor their past lovers. During the process, it’s important to understand that not everyone is the same; just like not everyone you date will fully understand and appreciate you for who you are. However, you are ultimately your best company, and working towards what you want both personally and professionally should never feel like a burden.