After my last relationship ended, I decided to just let dating go. Since I wasn’t able to express myself clearly about being aromantic, things devolved into a messy-ish breakup. I wasn’t as affectionate as them and it showed in our daily communication. Because I couldn’t explain myself properly, things fell through. Although, I’ve realized that lack of communication wasn’t the worst thing ever. There were also some other differences that would’ve come up eventually. Since then, we’ve reconnected and are definitely on friendly terms. We share TikToks and Instagram reels and chat every once in a blue moon.
For a while, not having the responsibility of talking with a partner everyday was very nice. But I felt the quiet set in after a while. I’d gotten used to the conversations and the usual message waiting for me whenever I picked up my phone. But, I ignored it.
I kept going about my daily life, hanging out with friends (and occasionally play-flirting with them). I just decided to look at the pretty people I came across and let life take its course. Nothing really happened at that point, and I was okay with that. I focused on me, on my job, on my creative writing, and so on. I read quite a bit, finding a deep love for Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao. Everything was going just fine.
And then he happened.
All I had wanted was to get a milkshake while on break at work. I couldn’t have predicted that the worker who took and made my order would ask if I was there with my boyfriend. Let alone think he’d call me beautiful when I responded that I was at the mall for work. I went back to the store with butterflies in my stomach and told my coworker all about the interaction. A week passed by and I returned to the ice cream place, wondering if I’d run into him again. He greeted me with, “Hello, beautiful.” I went back to the store, not knowing that he’d pay me a visit when he went on break. We swapped numbers that day and have texted nearly every day since then.
Things were flirty from the get-go, naturally. We’d talk a lot over text and saw each other during the weekends we both worked, which was basically every week. We had a work-break routine where I would go to buy a milkshake, and he would visit me at the store. It was fun and I felt happy. He’s a good guy. But I wasn’t ready to take it much further, and I’m still not.
I made this clear to him, telling him that I was not in the place where a relationship was going to happen. However, I proposed the idea of casual dating: to me, this means that we could do couple-y things, like going on dates and be physically intimate, while not in a committed relationship to each other. We are also free to date other people if we feel like it, but we had to let the other person know if we were sexually active with others. He agreed. And then we weren’t really going on any dates… With my studies, work, and kickboxing, I was constantly busy. I do feel guilty because he’s proposed outings and I just haven’t had the time to go and enjoy a date with him.
But that doesn’t mean other things weren’t happening. Kissing, touching, groping, and protected sex were on the table. To this day, four months later, they’re still on it. And it’s great! I’ve really enjoyed being intimate with him. Sure, I’ve had to lie about getting home later than I was supposed to because I was with him. Yet, it’s a white lie, in my opinion. I’m safe, with someone I trust having some spicy fun. Nothing inherently bad about it.
Now, I do feel like our “arrangement” has turned into a FWB situation. Heck, we went out to Chili’s for our second date about two weeks ago, but the night ended in the back of his car for a make out session (get your head out of the gutter, reader!). And it’s not a complaint. Truth be told, I don’t mind that it’s closer to a Friends With Benefits thing. If anything, I’m glad and almost relieved that I’m able to have these experiences without feeling constrained to a relationship. I like things just as they are.