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How To Start Dating Again


Let’s go straight to the point, shall we? Dating can sometimes really suck. I mean this in the nicest of ways. Dating could literally be the 9th circle of hell, or it could be heaven on earth. Sometimes dating is just meh. Anyway, you guys catch my drift. The point is, dating is NEVER easy, especially if there’s a bad breakup in the back of your mind. Although it’s hard to get back on that saddle, at some point, you’re going to want to fall in love again. And why shouldn’t you? You’re amazing.

The most important thing about getting back into dating is making sure that ex (boyfriend or girlfriend) is no longer in your thoughts. It takes time to get over breakups, but of course, everyone is different. Some people need a year, some need a month, and others need 3 weeks to get over a breakup. Every person has a different mourning period. Why is it important to have gotten over the ex for you to move on? Simple. You can’t pour water into a cup that’s still dirty from old juice, can you? It’s the same thing with your heart. You can’t force someone in there, when there are still remnants of another person. When asked about dating after a breakup, Cristina, a Biology student said “I went out with a guy right after a really bad breakup and I couldn’t focus at all. All I could do was think about my ex and how much I wished I could be at home watching Pretty Little Liars re-runs.” Consequences of forcing it could be: comparing everyone to your ex, using the person as a rebound, and/or missing your ex even more than you had before.

Another step you need to take before plunging into the dating world again, is feeling good about yourself. THIS IS KEY. As I mentioned in my last How To, after a breakup, it’s good to focus on yourself. By focusing on yourself I mean doing things for your own benefit, things you like to do and weren’t able to before. That step is necessary for you to re-discover yourself. To remember who you were and who you want to be. Do NOT shape yourself into what you think guys want you to be, shape yourself into the person you want your ideal guy to want. In other words, be the best version of yourself. It might happen that a guy you go out with isn’t really into you. This is why this step is key, because you need to be able to brush it off. Melanie, a Sociology major said “I went out on a date and I thought we had a great time. Turns out he didn’t think so because he never called. I felt worse than when my ex broke up with me. I felt like there was something wrong with me.” You need to be confident in yourself enough to know that there is NOTHING wrong with you. It just means that guy wasn’t meant for you.

Now that that’s cleared up, a basic rule of dating is that you need to know what you want. I know this is hard, especially for women. We NEVER know what we want. After a breakup though, you should always look back and see what you liked from your past relationship and what you didn’t. From those observations you can see what you’re looking for in a partner and what you are not willing to accept. Therefore it’s much easier to detect the “never gonna happen’s” from the “he has potential” on first dates.

Lastly, but definitely not least, you have to gather up the guts to actually go out with someone. Now, don’t go out with someone just because they asked you out. Go out with them because you like him/her. Do not accept anything less than what you know you want and deserve. If that person you like asks the magic words “Will you go out with me?” look pretty, nod and smile. I know it’s nerve wracking to go out on a first date, but if it’s right, it’ll flow.

Remember, you are amazing. You deserve the world. Do NOT forget that in any step of this process. And just remember to have fun!

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