I’ve been in Rio Piedras since forever. I recall coming every Wednesday at night, tagging along with my mom because she was taking M.A. classes. I knew that’s where I wanted to be ever since I was a funny looking child that still hadn’t hit puberty. I studied hard, I did my fair share of geeky and sporty extracurricular activities, to prove I was worth being there. Senior year got there so quickly, and before I knew it, my acceptance letter was one of the first to arrive in comparison to my classmates. I did it. Now what?
Freshman year began, and I had 0 classes with my friends. My high school friends were gone. I decided that I could somehow make friends in my freshman year, and I did. They were the most peculiar human beings you could’ve ever imagined. I even reconnected with an old classmate, and we became best friends. She’s my airplane. I thought: “Everything is gonna be okay.” I remember feeling lost at first, not knowing what to do. Not knowing places. That’s how you first lose yourself, physically, at least. It’s a whole world out here. I feel like freshman year is the year that shows you around campus life, but I was too busy staying at night at the libraries, or just simply standing in the Naturales rooftop with my friends. We felt unstoppable.
But then life began taking its funny course. My grandma had complications with her health on my sophomore year and died, my 3 year relationship was gone, and I started not caring about my classes anymore. Then, bad choices were made. Not many people know this, but I’m actually from San Juan, the capital city. So, why would I move to Rio Piedras? Because I felt like it. I moved in with a guy that I had just barely met last semester. And at first it was all good because we weren’t even in a relationship. And this is the year where my streak of bad choices began. I was an Estudiante Orientadora, and I hadn’t really done many adventurous things compared to my former ENI’s, so I started drinking like crazy. I remember taking everyone to their apartments, while I stumbled my way back to mine. I started neglecting my friends, especially my best friend, who had no fault of my reckless behavior.
Junior year just passed around the corner, and that’s where things got messy. My drinking had raised the bar, literally. I’m pretty sure I left a good amount of income there. I got into a love triangle that later on made me lose my friends. And all I could think about was Rio Piedras. How Rio Piedras, without knowing, transformed me. And I’m not blaming my choices into the University City, but that’s just how it is. You go to college to re-invent yourself, to get out of your old habits, to have new things, to meet good and bad people, to learn. And I dedicated myself trying to be someone I’m not, to the point where I couldn’t even remember who I was anymore. It was a self-destructive relationship. I left the apartment for very particular reasons, but it can be summarized that you just can’t stay where you’re not wanted, especially when they hurt you both physically and mentally. I went crazy, I couldn’t stop crying. I walked around every street, every bar, and I could only recall a few memories, because most of them are hazy. I remember finishing this semester with a bittersweet taste of a goodbye kiss.
Senior year was the year I realized this was all happening. I came back from Seattle, and no one was talking to me. I remember getting looks from people that barely knew me. Rumors started spreading. I felt like I was in high school all over again, only this time, without my friends for support. This was the moment the light shined in my eyes, again. I took two classes with Mayra Santos, and for our last assignment, we had to write a story about this place: la IUPI. So I did. While writing, I remembered all the apartments I crashed at, the smell of the Burger King at the Humacao street. Helping out others get lucky, walking around particular places and recalling funny stories. I recall almost passing out at el Sapo, and my favorite flute player from Juana Díaz coming to my rescue. I took so long to realize that I should’ve just moved on from the boy I really liked, that I forgot to see that my transformation years were passing right in front of me. I should’ve just let go and not hold on to the past. I just think it’s so funny how we make such a big deal of things when they’re happening, especially when things begin to change. In the end, t wasn’t just about a boy, it was the result of bad choices, the way things were handled, and what to do after it’s all over.
I can say this 5th year has been my redemption year so far. I reconnected with some people. I began to be grateful for the individuals that were around me. I began to feel like my old self again. I guess all I needed was a 24 hour lockdown, to make me see things from a different perspective. I also needed some people to give me a reality check. I focused on the loss, that I didn’t even check twice if there was someone still believing in me. I needed a sarcastic physicist, and a cute blonde Generales guy, to make me see things a different way. I also thank that geeky guy from Twitter who later became my best friend. Even if they weren’t trying, they reminded me that a part of me is still here. I may still be lost at times, but I have beings around me to help me go through with life. I am who I decide to be. I will not let past experiences define me entirely, I am the afternath of the storm, I am myself.
Those college experiences are the memories that you’ll have when you tell your future kids. I remember the boy who ignored me my first two weeks, and then we fell in love. I remember that kid that used to have a huge crush on me on my Organic Chem lab, and later moved in with him. I remember the sweet shy girl, who turned out to be quite the social butterfly. They have changed a lot too. At one point I should’ve known better than this, I should’ve just focused on my studies, and forget about the people. But they were giving me lessons a textbook couldn’t. Time has passed, just don’t forget to be yourself. As far as I know, I’m about to leave this place, and it definitely tastes bittersweet, almost like that goodbye kiss. At one point I couldn’t wait to be gone. I’m just gonna wing it now, moments like these don’t happen twice. I may not have it all figured out, but one day I will, and when I do, everything will be okay.