Isn’t it wonderful when you find out your significant other is cheating on you a couple of days before Valentine’s Day?
God, is this a cut scene? All jokes aside, it was a very devastating experience. Although it was high school, I consider this my first real relationship and we were together for longer than a year. I look back now and realize that it doesn’t hurt me as deeply anymore, but at that moment it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.
These are the things I did and the ones I wish I had done.
- I waited, and then I spent Valentine’s Day with someone I hated just because I was too afraid to be alone.
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I told myself that the worst thing that could happen to someone was to be broken up with right before Valentine’s Day, that I couldn’t do that to him. Of course, I was wrong, the worst thing that could happen is getting cheated on. I was lying to myself just because I couldn’t fathom the idea of spending the holiday alone, after I had given my all to this relationship. I recognize it was partially because everyone in my grade knew of our relationship and I was embarrassed, the social pressure got to me as well.
I wish I would’ve broken up with him the minute I found out so I could’ve loved myself a little longer.
- I allowed him to see me hurting and I cried deeply in front of him.
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This he used against me many times, making me feel as if I was too emotional. Every time I cried, I lost the argument because “you can’t even be rational,” even when I was extremely rational. I knew what he did, what I had to do, and the steps I had to take. Being able to show your emotions and being comfortable with that doesn’t make you irrational.
I wish I would’ve shown him nothing but a straight face just so he’d stop trying to get me back, so he understood in his own way just how serious I was.
- I stayed friends with him afterwards.
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I am friends with my exes and that’s completely fine. However, that dynamic in this specific relationship wasn’t okay. After an exhausting relationship and an even more exhausting break up, we were still in the same friend group, which made it hard to completely disconnect from him since I had to see him every day. I couldn’t make my friends choose between us, we were all friends before we decided to get together anyway.
I wish I would’ve set stronger boundaries and had distanced myself more, even if it meant distance between my friends too.
- I forgave many of his actions and tried to overlook some others.
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You know when you have that voice in the back of your head telling you something is off? Most of the time I had that voice telling me he was lying. Then I caught him in one lie but made excuses for him, and believed everything I was being told. It never felt right to me but, this being my first relationship and me being a naïve teenager on top, I blamed our immaturity. I blinded myself to the obvious just because “I don’t know what a relationship is like, therefore who am I to say this is right or wrong?” I eventually found out I was right and he was talking to other people and disrespecting me behind my back.
I wish I would’ve trusted my instincts and immediately shut things off.
I wish someone had helped me realize these things and I wish I were more open with what was happening. I wish I had seen what a good and healthy relationships looked like, just so I could understand then as I do now, that I deserve the things I ask for and a person who doesn’t see caring about me and respecting my boundaries as a chore.
Oh well, everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it? God? Please don’t let this be a part of the final season! Make it a cut scene!