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Do You Really Love Them Or Are They A Manic Pixie Dream? Oh, The Horrors Of Limerence

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UPR chapter.

It happened again; you’re sitting in your room wondering what went wrong with the new person of the week that you swore was the one, this is it, the end game… but were they aware of it? There’s a name for the euphoric feeling that convinces you that you’re in love when you’re actually fantasizing and romanticizing someone; chemicals that make you lovebomb yourself into putting something, or in this case, someone on a pedestal.

This action is called limerence, in simple terms it’s the action or state of mind that cocoons and nurtures “delusionships” that feed unhealthy and unrealistic ideas of having a relationship with an individual. As we go through the motions and struggles of this universally relatable state, it triggers the beauty and tragedy of escapism for people with intimacy or commitment issues, because it may feel better than being grounded and comfortable in their singularity.

I swear I’m not trying to attack you, it’s true! I’ve done this before too, I’m no saint and growth is something that presents difficulty in itself. Sometimes we want a little company, there’s no harm in it, but when what’s driving you is the rush, the haze, and the fantasy of having a life or relationship or phase with a certain person that dissipates the instant they breathed through their left nostril when they were supposed to use their right one, this should spring up questions or doubts about how you even got yourself involved, consumed, and even hurt. 

It’s a low, pure disappointment, oh the horror of finding out the person you daydreamed about is an actual human, ew. Someway, somehow you got lost in swapping in yourself and them into the cute aesthetic Pinterest couple pictures and diving into immersive scenes with them till you go to sleep, only to realize that you not only don’t know them truly, but that they’re a human who makes mistakes and deserves the same amount of communication and effort as you do. It’s not fair to them to be used as a part of a gimmick or escape route. And you have to ask yourself, am I the problem? It might be the case.

Realizing, or learning, that riding a high of endorphins just to avoid intimacy is something that must be worked on by understanding and accepting yourself in your most natural state, raw vulnerability, stripped from any attachment that might give you a superficial description.

It might sound horrifying, but there’s never any right or wrong in this process because what might be the correct order for someone else’s journey, might not be it for you. When you truly love someone, and I mean truly, I believe you won’t even have time to consider those flaws, and if you do, you won’t run away from them, but choose to work on them together.

Arianys Ramos Soto is a writer for Her Campus at UPR chapter. She will be writing articles in hopes that when others read they might feel enlightened, relieved, seen, or heard. Putting deciphering girlhood, fashion forward, heavy hitter life experiences, and music as main topics. They’re an English Literature Major at the University of Puerto Rico, Río Piedras campus. As a freshly published writer on the Her Campus team, she’s just getting her sea legs in this world. Creating or helping to shape certain visions and content, be it audio-visual or written, for peers, friends, and family is what is behind her drive to strive for new learning opportunities. With a niche liking of French music and an obsession with Pinterest boards with hyper specific Spotify playlists to match, Arianys loves to write and read (shocker). They spend their time reading more on the end of philosophical and semi autobiographical works, but are not exempt from the occasional dramatic fiction, even fan written, and when that’s not the case she’s frantically looking for order in between college life.