This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UPR chapter.
Being in a world where pretty much everyone has access to social media, it’s impossible not to know about the wonders (or torture, depending on personal experience) of online dating. People often use the term “online dating” to refer to those partners that meet in social media and develop a relationship from there on. But the ‘online dating’ I’m referring to is the one that a few people leave as their last available option: online dating sites. Google keeps the definition short and sweet: “the practice of searching for a romantic or sexual partner on the Internet, typically via a dedicated website.”
I’ll admit: I’ve been skeptical about online dating sites since… forever. I’m a firm believer of traditional dating: you meet someone [in person], you talk, you flirt over conversations or texts, you ask them out. Period. That’s how I’ve done it for years since I first started dating in the sweet prime years of high school. In my dating history, I have a little bit of everything: from amazing guys to dirtbags I don’t want to ever see again. One gets tired of the same routine over and over again. There’s someone that says: “You should totally try online dating!”. And for a few seconds, you actually start to consider that option.
Again, you can still be very skeptical about the online dating sites like I’ve been. These experiences are what lessons are all about. But we’re in a new era! It’s time to try new things.
I’ve heard way too many funny and embarrassing stories in online dating, with the few exceptions of happily ever afters. You start thinking about all the negatives, but if you still manage to make a profile: that means you’re having the slightest hope of finding the exception to all the bad stories, right? It’s time to make my own experience in the online dating world. So, 3 beers later and long hours spent thinking, your profile has truly appeared in an online dating site.
Phase 1: Launching Yourself in the Online Dating World
Before embarking on this exciting journey, I was amazed by the number of dating sites available. There are even dating sites for different religions and ethnic groups. What shocked me the most was finding websites where you actually HAVE to pay in order to find someone. The first thought that raced through my mind was: I’m an undergrad senior, how can I fund an online dating site when I eat ramen the week before paycheck arrives? The second thought that popped in: people actually pay to find someone to date? And then I found OkCupid, which is where I started my adventure: pretty standard and easily accessible thanks to their mobile app but best of all, it was free.
I made my OkCupid account last Spring, but with finals approaching and a heavy course load I closed it down until I had time to manage it. After my math final and spending the summer of my life, I decided that it was time to open the profile again. And good lord…
First of all, you get so many questions to answer so the site can set you up with potential partners. From standard questions like your views in life or your thoughts on certain topics… to questions you wouldn’t even answer in real life. Then, you post up a few selfies to broadcast the happy you and set up your profile and try to be different than everyone else. In my attempt of being ‘different’, I posted pictures of myself in the different places I’ve traveled for the last year. It’s something different than everyday selfies, and then you wait a while to see if the magic works on you.
Phase 2: Searching for Prince Charming Between Matches
After setting up the most awesome profile and answering what could be the most embarrassing questions in your life, you proceed to see the potential matches the website offers you. Heck, you can even like these matches: but in OKCupid you must pay in order to see who likes you. Convenient tip: the app sends notifications of who likes your profile. And voilà, you start to see all these cuties turn up in your screen and you feel like you’re in paradise.
There are so many options hiding behind a screen. A lot of people like profiles depending on the one profile picture they see. But I’m one of those who adores reading long profiles. Reading these profiles can give you a sense of the personality the person behind the profile has, but you’ll have to establish a conversation to prove it.
Phase 3: Finally establishing a conversation with someone
Before starting off in this phase, let me assure you: you don’t have to wait for the other person to make the first attempt at conversation. This is the beauty of online dating: you don’t have to wait anymore. I’m extremely shy, and even I managed to write the first message to a couple of guys. Hey, when you see someone with an amazing profile: how can you not resist sending that first message?
After starting the conversation, this is the area where you have to be most careful. Remember all the creeps people told you that can be found in online dating sites? They’re absolutely right. From people looking purely for one night stands to catfishes, too. Don’t overshare intimate details of your life with strangers. One of the guys I actually talked to for a few days managed to get hold of my personal Facebook, Twitter, Instagram account, and for some miracle my phone number: without my consent. You might hit it off with someone right away, but wait a while until you decide to exchange social media accounts or share personal details of your life.
Phase 4: When you actually meet the person face-to-face
You’ve talked to this person for awhile now: nonstop texting, liking posts on Facebook and the cute selfies in Instagram… and then comes the long-awaited question: do you want to meet up? I’ve had guys asking that question right away when the conversation started in OKCupid but as skeptical as I am: I rather talk to the person for a while to figure out the interests, things in common, covering the basic areas.
I’m the living definition of an awkward turtle. I can’t go on a first date without actually getting an idea of the person and what things we could talk about. One of the dates I had in the summer was so awkward that we stood in the line for the movies in complete silence without attempting what to say something. It can’t get any worse than that, right? Imagine that same person with the awkward silence asking if he’s getting lucky tonight. So yes, it can get worse.
But then you get the surprising first dates that leave you extremely pleased. One of these dates was in my favorite place in the world, Old San Juan, and we sat on the grass overlooking the sunset just talking to each other before going out to dinner. A good-hearted conversation makes up the special details of a first date, in my humble opinion. One may get a few awkward first dates: who doesn’t have those? I’ve had my fair share since last spring… but maybe, you’ll be one of the lucky few who ends their night already excited for the second date.
After a few months navigating this mysterious world, I’d say the online dating adventure was… interesting, to put it nicely. Sure you meet the kind of people your family tells you to avoid, and you also get to meet amazing human beings you wouldn’t think were real. Even with the awkward first dates and stalker issues, I don’t regret the experience.
Just maybe, online dating could work out for you. Who knows… This could be your next adventure as well: either you find a new story to tell on girls’ night or you’ll start to write one hell of a modern love story.