I am 21 years old, about to turn 22, and I don’t want to have kids. For some, talking about this topic may be a bit of a taboo, and so it’s difficult for them to create a space for this kind of dialogue and exchange of ideas. I think that sharing my decision can help shed light on others who are debating the issue with themselves, and not feel like the only person who thinks that way in the room. In a society where sex education is almost non-existent, having each other is extremely valuable and important.
Trigger warning: the topic of abortion is mentioned and discussed in this article.
Not wanting to have children for women was not considered an option until a few decades ago. Before, it was generally expected that this was the best way to fulfill your role as a “woman.” It was believed that being a mother was not an option, but an unshakeable future. This is not only violent against the body of people with vaginas, but this train of thought also has a transphobic connotation. Nowadays, the responsibility of agreeing to be a mother or not can be considered. Thanks to innovation, there are adequate tools and technologies to prevent unwanted pregnancies. However, it is not always favored, especially by some religious and political institutions.
The pro-choice movement emerged in the 1960s.
This movement believes that people with vaginas have every right to make decisions about their own bodies. This means that if a person with a vagina wishes to have a baby, it is their right to do so. The same is true if another person wishes to end their pregnancy. In this case, they also have a right to do so. The movement also believes that measures for the abortion process should be guaranteed by each state as safe and accessible to all.
People who oppose this movement call themselves pro-life. This group’s point of view is that, essentially, every pregnant person should have their child, regardless of the circumstances that led to or surround the pregnancy. These movements promote inaccessibility to basci healthcare tools such as abortion to fulfill their ideals. I believe that each person should have the right to be able to manage their bodies as they understand, and that they should be provided all the necessary assistance and support to do so. I also think there is nothing wrong with talking about this. As I mentioned earlier, voicing my point of view on this issue helps generate a different and more inclusive perspective, and I understand that this is a crucial step that must be followed in order to continue creating a better future for the people to come.
With all my heart, I am a faithful believer in the magic and power that motherhood brings to the lives of those who decide to become mothers. My mother is a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman and has always been affectionate with me and my two sisters. She taught us everything she knows and has always been in each of our school plays, field day races, talent show nights, ect. My mom, along with my dad, would get the moon for me and my sisters without a second thought. They would literally do anything for us and overflow us with love on a daily basis. They both chose to do it. On the other hand, although I appreciate and thank my parents to heaven for everything, I don’t think I would feel capable of achieving everything they did on my own if I had children. I don’t want to have childrenーnot because I had bad parents, but rather because I do not want children as much as my parents did. The reasons why multiple people decide not to be parents can vary. Each case is separate and different in nature; and thus, it is never the same. Each of us carry our own stories, emotions, and feelings about the subject. Reserving our reasons for us is totally valid too; we only need to respect each others’ decision.
Ever since I was sporadically surprised with the question of “how many children do you want to have when you grow up?”, deep down I always knew the answer: none. At first, I answered low numbers like 1 or 2 because I felt a societal pressure weighing down upon me that convinced me that I had to answer with a number greater than zero. When I finally answered for the first time that I wanted none, I received nasty looks and comments expressing that I should not repeat what I just said. Some people even debate my thinking explaining that, while I “have the privilege of saying I don’t want to, others are dying of the desire to have children and do not have the biological ability to do so”, burdening me with a sense of guilt and discomfort. As an adult, a few years later, I understand that this particular mindset is just not fair. It’s not fair for me to bring into the world a child that I do not want 100% because a stranger cannot.
As time passed, I finally reached the conclusion that my mentality surrounding childbearing was not a phase as many told me. I really do not feel that maternal sense in me, and that is totally okay. In any case, I think that, if at any point in my life I change my mind, that is also okay because, at the end of the story, it is only me and my partner who should discuss this subject. Claiming autonomy from my body is something powerful, whether I am a mother or not, and I carry this very close to my heart, because being a woman will never be equal to being a mother. I long for the day when each one of us can decide on our own about the fates of our bodies, and not be questioned or criticized based on our choices. May we be blameless and happy with our decisions.
Finally, if one day I carry a baby in my arms, it will be only because I want them in my life, and I will love them with every one of my cells. Because motherhood will either be desired, or it will not be.