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Alone, Not Lonely: Why I Chose to Stay Single

There is a grand misconception around the word “alone”.  By itself, it brings such negative attention that it does not shine in its useful attributes. When  alone, you are raw and pure, getting to knowing your own quirks, inside and out.  Many have succumbed to the temptations of serial dating, never learning how to stay calm and collected by themselves.  And this can be taken in another context, outside of the world of relationships. It could, in fact, be applied with cliques. A lot of the times, there is bound to be a dominant person in any kind of relationship, unconsciously or maybe even consciously, contributing their ideals for the receptor to fawn over.  What results is a toxic elixir of ideals that you convince yourself into thinking are your own.  

In reality, why do we fall into this same trap over and over?   It is a basic need to feel accepted in society, but why isn’t it our primary rule to accept ourselves?  So often, the endless craving, needing, and wanting of affection from others ends up as an unhealthy mindset.  I speak from experience.  I only wanted acceptance, the acceptance of another person, someone to fulfill my endless need to converse and who could share and experience things I was also particularly disposed towards.  While these sorts of relationships lasted, I found myself unconsciously transforming into what the other person wanted of me: I became an idea of myself and not the real me.  When I found myself abandoning certain interests only for the sake of another person, I knew it was time to part ways. I’m in no way saying that everyone loses themselves while in a relationship, but by spending so much time with another person, some of their habits and tastes are bound to rub off on you.

Nowadays, I put myself first. I no longer have to worry or stress about my interactions with potential love interests because I’m most interested in getting to know myself and work through the endless changes that one person can go through in such little time. When speaking to certain friends about being comfortable and feeling fulfilled while single, some of them made it their sole purpose to set me up with their friends because it seemed unbelievable to me that this happiness I feel by myself could be real.  In reality, I have never been more content.  Sometimes, when you’ve figure out what you want from life or know for certain the direction you want to pursue, some can interpret this as being “picky” when, in fact, it’s just simply being straightforward.  While thinking with this mentality, I have met the greatest of personalities and am now the wiser, knowing what friendships and connections will work and which others will fizzle out.  

If anyone states they are content by their lonesome, do not send them on endless blind dates.  Do not try to convince them that their life is missing that sense of contentment that being in a relationship can cause.

We are simply alone, not lonely.

Francheska Natalia is a minimalistic loving, Audrey Hepburn worshiping and Rocky Balboa enthusiast. Living between the midst of dreams and reality, she often finds joy in spending various hours pinning soft hued pictures on Pinterest. Cars, motorcycles (especially Triumph), action heroes (Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, you know the originals) make her heart skip a beat. Her love for Michael Bublé, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Bobby Darin, Elvis and Ella Fitzgerald makes her want to live in another era where midi skirts and and kitten heels are considered for casual outings. She believes elegance shall never be out of fashion and neither will sass, it’s her charm.
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