I have always been an organized person. I am the oldest sister among five siblings, and I usually prevent situations to make sure that everything goes as smoothly as it should. However, my personal life has taken a 180-degree turn, and for the first time in a long time, I was unclear about my future. In April of this year, my five-year romantic relationship ended in which, although not everything was perfect (because nothing ever is), I had many experiences that I will treasure forever in my heart. I wish things had ended differently, and maybe then I wouldn’t have felt like I wasted years of my life in a relationship where I wasn’t valued, much less respected. At the same time, if it weren’t for the way things turned out, I wouldn’t have been able to grow and realize that there were indeed many ways in which I was going to be able to find myself again.
I’m not going to deny that it took me a lot to get there, and I’m still fighting to stay firm and avoid thinking about the past. In those moments, I make an effort to remind myself of the things that actually fulfill me now, instead of thinking about all the time I spent with the wrong person by my side.
The Return of my Love for Reading
Recovered from Pinterest
My passion for entering the world of books began when I was around 12-13 years old. I fell in love with them, thanks to stories like The Hunger Games, the Harry Potter series, and The Shadowhunter Chronicles. Little by little those books began to introduce me to reading again. Thanks to reading, I began exploring new worlds and gaining different knowledge. In a blink of an eye, I filled my first bookshelf.
Meanwhile, as I was growing up, I began to read less and less due to what I thought was “lack of time.” However, I have now managed to recognize that this was not at all close to reality. In my case, I dropped some of my hobbies and interests as a way to tune out what was happening to me at the time. So, after a few months, I recognized that the exact moment I stopped reading was simultaneous with the moment my relationship began. This realization made me reflect on other aspects of the relationship I hadn’t previously considered. One of the first (if not the most important) things I did a month after my breakup was to give a chance to a book that my sister had insisted that I read several times; Follow my Voice by Ariana Godoy. This book was key in helping me fall in love with reading again, rediscovering what immersing myself in the pages of a good book meant, and the impact it could have on me.
From that moment until now, it has been impossible for me to spend more than two days without reading at least one chapter of a physical book. Reading has become my escape, my lifeline above all, a reminder that I still have many things to do and live on my own. Something as simple as using different colored “post-its” to highlight different scenes helped me stay busy and manage my emotions. Reading was something I had left behind, and I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I finally had it back.
My Vocation Will Never Change
Recovered from Pinterest
At the same time, it was clearer than ever that my vocation to educate and serve will never change. I am one year away from graduating as an elementary English teacher. Since I was little, I was always clear about what I wanted to study. When I grew up, my parents told me that they’d often see me “teaching” my stuffed animals as a kid, and this is something that evolved when my brother grew up and my sister was born. I stood firm and, with the support of my family, I managed to get to where I am now and not giving up after listening to the same old comments, I’d get time and again, such as: “You are going to starve as a teacher.”
I can’t deny that these kinds of comments discouraged me so much that I actually thought about giving up on being an educator when I was in 10th grade. However, this point was fundamental in terms of my personal growth and development because I was able to reaffirm my love for serving and helping others once I joined my community’s Boys and Girls Club. This experience led me to realize how much I love to help educate youth.
Again, because of this relationship I was in, I walked away from that place. I stopped doing something else that I loved in order to prevent a person who is not a part of my life anymore from feeling that I loved him less or simply that he was not a priority in my life (as he repeatedly commented to me in a “discreet” way). Fortunately, what is meant to be in everyone’s life, is. No matter how much time passes, the things we do leave a mark on other people, and it is in this moment when we reap the rewards of all the good, we did.
I’m Surrounded by the Right People
Recovered from Pinterest
Finally, although I could continue mentioning in different ways those lessons that I have learned after my breakup, I want to highlight the one part that has been the most significant and that gave me the most satisfaction when I realized it. After my relationship came to an end, I began to question many things, among them were the people who were around me. I doubted if these people would be by my side just out of convenience, pity, interest, boredom, and an endless number of other thoughts that came to mind.
The reality of the case is that they ended up being quite the opposite. Thanks to my breakup, I realized that I had more people I could truly count on. My family and friends moved heaven, sea, and earth to help me get out of the hole I was in. They were present but at the same time gave me space and time when I needed it. Actions such as not leaving me alone for a long time to avoid overthinking, asking me out, or simply staying in with me on those days when I didn’t feel like leaving the house, were fundamental for me to realize how lucky I was.
Today, I can say that I am a very lucky person. Life, in one way or another, had already rewarded me for all the suffering and pain I was going to go through when I saw my relationship ended and ruined in that way. He put different people in my path who would give me the support and love that I would need in order to realize that I had the power to begin to heal myself. Each and every one of them had already been placed in my story with that, and I’m sure many other even greater purposes.