When I was a kid, I remember thinking that it seemed as though I needed a step by step manual on how to behave in order to keep myself out of trouble. If I spoke too loudly, I was being a nuisance. If I didn’t comb my hair for school, I was careless. If I got angry at a boy who was bothering me during class, I was a brat who couldn’t see that he ‘clearly’ had a crush on me. I thought that maybe as I got older, the criticism would lessen and, someday, I would be free. I would finally be accepted for my genuine responses and the pressure would lift from my shoulders, evaporating into the sky. Years passed before I realized that I wasn’t the problem and my struggles reflected those of many other girls. Women grow up in a society that loves to tear us apart and, in the same breath, blame us for how we decide to put ourselves back together. We are taught to be in constant competition with one another, an underlying encouragement to dislike each other and grow less inclined to connect through our shared experiences. Life is complicated enough as it is, so why waste time isolating yourself to the point where it feels like it’s just you against the world?
One of the greatest blessings of women supporting women is the process of creating a friendship. Coexisting in a safe space where the world’s scrutiny becomes replaced by ‘I believe you’ creates a sense of validation with someone who understands you. Growing up, I remember being advised against having female friendships. I would hear that girls were mean, envious and that broke my heart at times. Did they not see that the Cheetah Girls were right there thriving in their friendship? Did the lyrics ‘amigas, cheetahs, friends for life’ mean nothing to them? Being friends with other girls seemed to be a fever dream of mine, and for what? This fear was carefully planted by the same society that makes me second-guess every single thing that I do. I know that sometimes we do meet people that are toxic for us, but that should not be a reason to close ourselves off forever and expect the same out of everyone around us. Healing starts when we open back up and are willing to feel again.
It wasn’t until university that I started to understand the importance of having close friendships with other girls. Not that I didn’t love the ones that I had back in school, but I think that I failed to cherish the connection that I had with them then. Nowadays, I treasure every single moment that I get to share with my girlfriends. The emergency Facetime calls, the way that they always manage to get me presents that reflect how much they know me, the gossip shared through the groupchat, the deep dive investigations we conduct on social media…all of these reasons reinstate my belief that having supportive girlfriends changes your everyday experience in a massive way. When you are surrounded by women that are rooting for you, you are able to see yourself clearly, even on days where you feel undeserving of them. These connections give you the confidence boost to be authentic, their acceptance showing you that you deserve to be free. They build you up when you need the extra push, make sure you remember how worthy you are, and wrap you up in their love like an armor against the world.
Every single time that I have the privilege of listening to my girlfriends and helping them feel heard is a gift. It’s difficult to dish out our frustrations and grievances with those around us because we fear the possibility of being judged. We fear discussing our pasts because, every now and then we’ve been told to just ‘get over it already’ or that ‘it wasn’t that deep’ and this has led to so much pain being suppressed. This ultimately leads to the bottling up of said pain, which will inevitably cause us to lash out at any moment, dreading the next time that we open up to someone. It makes a complete difference when you recognize that it’s okay to be angry, to be furious over the times where people wronged you, to cry over things that happened five years ago and still feel like an open wound. To have women that you care about listen and give you the support that you need is empowering.
Trust me, we are so much stronger when we support each other, when we allow one another to shine and celebrate our success together. This does not have to be exclusively for women that you form a friendship with. Sometimes you have casual interactions with other women that simply make your day and put a smile on your face. I’m talking about the girls you meet during a drunken bathroom break that tell you to cut off whoever you’re crying over, the ones that compliment your outfit and ask you where you got it from, and the ones that smile when making eye contact. The girls that see that you’re uncomfortable in a public space and ask if you want to hang out with them. The ones that comment on your pics and gush over how pretty you are even if they’ve never seen you in person. Those little moments feel like an embrace and we keep them close to us even if we never cross paths again. You’ll always remember these instances of kindness, of support coming from someone who maybe doesn’t even know your name, but who managed to dust you off and hold your hand with their small gestures.
I am so grateful for the women in my life who have made me feel special and have taken the time to make sure that I am okay. Every sleepover, every crying session over wine, every little thing that I have been able to share with them has added so much joy into my life. I wonder if they’ll ever know the extent of my love and appreciation for them, but I’ll always work hard to remind them. It’s also necessary to be thankful for the women we meet in passing, the ones that grace us with their time briefly yet impact your life experiences with a friendly smile or a compliment. No competition, no jealousy, just an unyielding support that reminds us that we will always be stronger when we cheer each other on.