Love is in the air and the stores are piling up with heart-shaped balloons, pink-colored stuffed animals, chocolate boxes, and dozens upon dozens of roses. Having a day dedicated to romanticizing the relationships in your life is lovely and welcoming. However, year after year, Valentine’s Day feels like it has been evolving from a day of acknowledging love, to a performative competition that causes unnecessary pressure, especially amongst romantic couples. While there’s nothing particularly wrong with boasting on social media about how much you love your partner, sometimes it feels superficial. Although the intention of the day is wholesome, having yet another gift-giving day right after the holidays can be a bit overwhelming. So, after meditating V-Day factors and talking it out with my significant other, here’s why we don’t necessarily celebrate Valentine’s Day anymore.
1. It’s a bit performative when you think about it
Everywhere we look we are bombarded with performative displays of affection: flowers, balloons, teddy bears, chocolates. You take your loved one to dinner on a candle lit table (the stage); where you both reminisce on your relationship (the script); then you gift each other some typical red colored or heart pattern merchandise (props); and dress up, expectantly in shades of red, pink, and white (costume). This is what you see on social media when romantic partners post what they’re up to during that one day of the year where they seemingly love each other the most. It’s as though couples are trying to out-Valentine’s Day one another, and personally, my partner and I want no part of it.
2. Extra spending
Receiving and giving gifts might just be your love language, and that’s perfectly fine. Seeing your significant other or any meaningful person in your life light up when you give them something that they love is a wonderful feeling. Yet, gift giving on Valentine’s Day feels like a by-product of capitalism. Culturally, Valentine’s Day has turned into a lustful day to invest in the flower and giant teddy bear industries. Displayed merchandise seems to scream ‘you need to show your significant other affection with one of these gifts’, and that’s simply not right. The love that comes from gift giving should genuinely come from the heart and not from some capitalistic expectation of love. Additionally, Valentine’s Day comes right after the Holidays, a wildly spending season, so it’s totally normal if you want to tone it down for Valentine’s Day.
3. The pressure can be overwhelming
Valentine’s Day can generate unnecessary pressure for couples when it comes to showing their love as it might come with a lack of genuine feeling. Couples may feel obligated to buy gifts or craft something up just for the sake of complying with the Valentine’s Day expectation and quota. My boyfriend and I felt that pressure after celebrating our first two Valentine’s Day together. We acknowledged that we would rather dismiss this expectation of buying a gift without genuinely wanting to, and recognized that we have other days that we love to celebrate way more, such as our birthdays and Christmas.
4. Celebrating our anniversary is way better!
My boyfriend and I wholeheartedly decided that our anniversary is our real “Valentine’s Day.” It’s a day we genuinely celebrate our loving relationship and how far we’ve come and grown together. Officially celebrating your love two times a year is perfectly fine, but celebrating it once a year makes it a little more special. Plus, when you really think about it, your anniversary is the celebration of the day that you and your partner decided to embark on this romantic journey, and that’s way more romantic than Valentine’s Day if you ask me.
Valentine’s Day is a lovely day, to say the least. It encourages you to celebrate the meaningful relationships in your life and that is valid and wonderful. Despite being the hopeless romantic that I am, my partner and I just don’t really like to do much on that day because we would rather go all out on other celebrations. Sure, we might send each other a cute text on Valentine’s Day and maybe get together to watch a romcom just for kicks, but that’s about it and that works for us. However, if you and your significant other love to celebrate Valentine’s Day to the fullest, that’s cool too! But, if you ever feel overwhelmed by a need to do something together or feel pressured to gift one another on Valentine’s Day or on any other holiday that perhaps doesn’t motivate you as much, talk it out! Chances are they feel the same way and you can engage in a holiday dynamic that works best for the both of you.