As I am getting older, I have come to understand that it is absolutely okay to be selfish in moderation. Oftentimes I have been put in situations that could have been avoided if I would have stuck by the word “no”, or if I would have listened to my gut, heart, or mind in the first place. As much as I hate to admit it, I am a people-pleaser. I’ve always told my friends that it’s okay to be selfish, but I have always tried to go out of my way for others. These actions have always come back to haunt me.
I went the extra mile for those who never took a step for me. I stayed up long nights full of worry whenever I was never a pastime thought. As I write this, I think about all of the wasted conversations and laughs I’ve shared in recent years. I think about mistakes that I can’t take back, but I listen closely to the lessons I’ve learned and I take them with deep gratitude.
As a writer, it’s not very common to find me speechless, but one thing that silences me has ruined hopes of genuine friendships, the fake security that disguises itself as relationships, and the calamity that comes with phony friendliness of alliances. I’m recognizing my needs and wants. I allow myself to protect my own peace, I allow myself to set boundaries, and I make sure that others respect them.
I am no longer in that mindset of settling for what I don’t want. I’m allowing myself to answer to myself and not others. I follow my heart because I know at the end of the day, I won’t leave me. This all may seem melodramatic, but it’s all for the right reasons. If I didn’t try to help others with self-love and self-care, all the pain and lessons would be in vain.
We must understand that sometimes our best just isn’t enough, but we also must understand that it’s all okay. It’s okay to not have all the answers. It’s okay to move on without closure. Oftentimes, our setbacks set us up for greater things.