The sun is shining, the air is warm and the day is great. Until you show up. Everytime you show up, all the fresh clean air in my lungs is stolen and replaced with your putrid negativity. Why do you always only talk about your problems? Never ever do you talk about the good things you have. Why do you always complain? Why is every small inconvenience the end of the world? Why are you like this? I understand you are going through things, and as your friend I am supposed to be there for you. However, I feel as if you are simply a tapeworm in my body. My positivity is the energy you feed off of, taking it for your own nutrients to transform it into something wrong in your life. Then you regurgitate it back up, tainted with your negativity. I know I was not your only host, but I was the main one.
You wear a fleshy suit, to disguise your true nature, giving me “heartfelt” compliments, asking for “help” constantly, and giving “great” advice. I feel like I fell for this flesh suit. I thought, yeah this is just another girl like me, going through mental health issues and trying to get better. I saw myself in you. When I looked at you ,I didn’t see the parasite. I saw a younger version of me, spiraling out of control all alone. Ironically, you are older than me, dear friend. Once I saw under that suit, I realized you were nothing like me, nor anything that would be good for me. This sounds so selfish. Self-care is sometimes selfish, dear friend. You are not trying to better your mental health, rather you are more interested in partying the blues away, placing fault on others, and not even trying with anything. You always put yourself in these stupid situations, then call me to come rescue you. Only then once I rescue you, you burrow back into the wound I let you carve out by being around you. You want me to stay the night. You always want me to stay the night. Hoping my presence could distract you from what you need to work on. Then turn around and cry to me that you have gotten nothing done. Dear friend, or should I say parasite, I am tired. I am so tired of housing you in my heart, while all you do devour me from the inside out. I am so tired. Can we please just be happy? Can we please just laugh? Why do I always have to console you while I have to console myself also? Why do you complain about money, then go spend it on frivolous things. Just stop please. Crawl out of my flesh, I have no more blood, sweat, or tears to offer your insatiable hunger. No longer can I pretend these wounds of distress are invisible. You only keep me around to satisfy your ego, to not be alone, and to drive you around. You only use me. I keep giving advice, I give my time, my comfort, my peace of mind to try and help you! In return I get nothing. Parasite, please understand why I decided to dig you out of my life. I want to be happy. I am happy without you. That does not mean I never cared for you, but I can actually breathe and stop bleeding for you. I can smile and be care free. Dear parasite, I am sorry I can no longer feed you. I truly hope you may transform into a carefree butterfly soon, so that we may fly in the same sky.