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Sex + Relationships

How to Deal with a Relationship that Never Actually Happened

I’m not going to talk about what’s going on in the world right now. We’re all experiencing it, and each of us in different ways, dependent on our situations. I know these times are hard, so I’m here to hopefully give you a break from them. Now on to the scheduled programming…

There was nothing I struggled with more my freshman year of college than wanting to be with a guy who did not want to be with me. It’s so hard to explain because I also, didn’t want to be in a serious relationship with him. I know you’re reading this and thinking ‘uh what?’ that’s okay, me too. I had just ended a year long relationship when I met him. The story of how we met and got together could be three articles in length. We talked, went on dates, endlessly flirted with each other at parties for months. But, I’m not going to talk about that–I’m going to talk about how I survived afterwards. We were in the same very close-knit friend group that spent every day and night together (imagine a cuter, college version of the cast of “Friends”). The ending of the “relationship” was tumultuous to say the least, and although I ended it, I was still heartbroken when it happened. 

I call it a relationship, but in reality, I don’t know what it was. It was everything I wanted, but not what I needed. He was my dream guy. You know that guy you picture when you read a romance novel? He was that for me, but it wasn’t my dream relationship. It was too many late nights and not enough early mornings, and I’m not even sure if that makes sense to anyone else. 

I want to tell you how to heal. I want to be able to say that it only took me a month or a couple of weeks to get over it. But I won’t, I’m going to be totally honest with you. It will hurt every time you see them, it will hurt every time your eyes meet. You’ll hear their voice and you’ll have goosebumps down your spine. You’ll hear the beginning of a song you danced to together and you’ll feel like you can’t breathe. Your friends will mention their name and you’ll want to, but you can’t say anything. You can’t add anything, because they were never even yours.

Eventually, you’ll be able to see them without your stomach hurting. The best answer I can give you is time, a lot of time. A lot of people say that you need to push it down, get them out of your head. It doesn’t work, and you have to let yourself think about them and the relationship. Eventually, you will recognize the flaws in the relationship. Sometimes you need to write down your thoughts. You will see where things did not match up and why it didn’t work. It will help you heal. For a while, every day is hard, then it’s some days, and then without realizing it’s only the rainy days, or the days when you hear a voice that sounds just like his. And then all of the sudden, it’s only when you choose to think about them. 

Eventually you will be able to go to bed without wishing they were beside you. Eventually, you won’t think about them until you write an article about them to help other people going through what you went through. Be gentle with yourself. No, you won’t feel the same for a long time. and that’s okay. Be honest with yourself. Be around people who love, support, and choose you every day. Don’t start dating other people, now is not the time to look for a partner. As someone who has tried to fix themselves by using other people, trust me. People cannot fix other people, that’s not how it works. You have to fix yourself.

A 20 year old transfer student and campus trendsetter at UNT who is passionate about equality. I love shoes and talking about things that hopefully help others.
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