From Oct. 26 to Oct. 29, I participated in a residential program at Isha Institute of Inner-Sciences ashram in McMinnville, Tennessee. The program consisted of 4 nights and 4 days, as I went early to attend the Diwali darshan offered by Sadhguru before the program commenced the day after. I drove from Austin to TN with three others: one fellow participant, and two volunteers. The drive itself was crazy and fun, with there being immense conversation on the way back. The trip we had experienced was unlike any other.
The program is rightfully named “Bhava Spandana,” or BSP for short. “Bhava” means sensation, while “Spandana” basically means resonance. The whole point of this program was to create an experience that transcended all basic human senses thus far, and amplified them to an extent most had never thought possible. Along with vigorous meditation and activities, the emotional rollercoaster one goes through with the various processes is undecipherable. I went into BSP a fairly unemotional person, never crying or sad. I came out so much more connected to my emotions and the world around me, and had begun crying profusely the second day until the very end. I do not think I have ever moved around this much and done this much on little to no sleep; many would say they finally felt like children again. I just felt like it was okay to act like a child again, as I usually am very energetic, excited, and happy, but in society, that is seen has being “childish” rather than “child-like,” like some sort of weird feat. It should be weird to be depressed, unexcited, and losing the revel in life as you get older rather than the other way around, but seeing how people react firsthand, I am content in extending that side of myself even further and continuing to be less serious.
The Bhava Spandana Program abandons all one thought they knew, allows one to rise from any experiences in their lifetime, serves as an unintentional form of emotional healing, conscious mentality change, makes one question all supposed “logical fact,” and shows how we are strapped in by the limitations we set for ourselves. Instead of being limited by physicality, we see beyond that and reach for unbounded levels of consciousness and completely let go. The energy throughout this program was vibrant and brimming with various emotions, many of which could not be contained in the slightest. Individuality has been made such a focus in today’s society, and BSP emphasizes how we are all one, and how all life is part of one force. If everything is made of the same energy, how we are all so different? We are not; we just segregate in every which way, and it has been like this since the beginning of time.
My perceptions completely altered at this program. I have always been unduly happy and fairly aware of the world around me, but not as much until I went through this. I grew so much more thankful for every single life around me, and could not stop crying over how humans consume without a thought, as each life is giving to us without asking for anything in return. Humans continue to just take and take, and not have a second-thought for the life before us. Even as a lifelong vegetarian, I had never stopped to consider how much plants and fruits do for me. I ended up hugging a tree and crying for at least an hour. It felt like my eyes had been opened to a whole new world, or at least I was seeing the already vivacious world in a new light.
It is impossible to put this experience into words, when I can hardly fathom what it is I felt exactly. I have never felt so much love formed for everyone and given from each person in my entire life. With around 800 participants and 200 volunteers, it is unbelievable that we grew so connected to each other just by seeing past the physical realms of life. I genuinely felt more love than I had ever felt before, and the biggest surges of energy. I danced with more vigor than I ever have in my life, and I usually dance a lot. It was the first time I fully did not care who was watching or what people thought, and actually put in my 100%. I like to half-ass things and just get away with doing great by winging things, and I was forced to realize that that is like living a half-life. Death is 100% going to happen, so why not live life with that same certainty as it is happening? What is the point in living life without reaching and pushing past our self-inflicted boundaries to see what is on the other side of the borders we love to build?
I learned more in this program than I have in any school or from any one person. I grew to realize my picture-perfect memory is more of a burden, as I just constantly carry that around. If I become like a mirror, I just would simply reflect everything I see and hear as it is, without having that distort my clarity. I grew aware of everything that I was feeling, seeing, sensing, instead of reacting compulsively out of thoughts and emotions. I am continually making a conscious effort to get to a point in life where nothing affects me, and partake in only conscious living. I have always been prideful about my intellect, until this program made me reevaluate so much I had debated in the past. Our intellect gets in the way of so many things, including putting our all into everything, being in tune with our emotions and energies, and prohibits us taking the journey within ourselves. With such a prevalent exhibitionist culture we live in, humans are always seeking status, and when people react well to that flaunting, people mistake that for love and acceptance. Whatever we own and show off has become what builds our pride and allows us to feel good about ourselves, when we should be feeling great within ourselves regardless of others or anything else. I realized I am just a speck in the universe anyway, and am already a speck within Texas itself. Humans try to understand and interpret the cosmos, when we cannot even begin to understand ourselves and the life we are.
Overall, I am still changing day to day, and this experience has molded my life forever, setting me on a whole different path. There was so much I have got out of it, this article ended up a shortened essay. All I know is, at some point in everyone’s lives, doing this program will benefit you and those around you, making everyone better humans for the planet and each other.