Some of the people in this generation have no idea what it means to truly love someone and build a relationship. Some of us know, but are scared to open ourselves up and be vulnerable to another person (especially considering our failed relationships). Not everyone is looking for a lasting relationship in college, which is understandable. We are all trying to find ourselves. I must say though, it’s amazing to have your best friend alongside you during the long hours of studying, doubt and especially the proud moments. I’m here to give some tips on how to keep your current relationship strong or help in any that may come in the future. It’s not groundbreaking information, it’s fairly straightforward, but relationships are one of those things where it’s easier said than done.
1. Your Happiness is Significant to the Survival of the Relationship
I know this sounds simple, but I cannot stress enough how fast a strong relationship can fail if you are unhappy. I used to think that someone was supposed to swoop in and make me happy, but the reality is that people can only enhance your life. Your happiness is based on YOU, only you. Putting the burden of your happiness on someone else is too much to expect from someone, and will only result in disappointment. Take time for yourself and your mental health. Life is stressful and busy all the time, it’s important to have time for de-stressing activities. FIND A HOBBY YOU LOVE and find peace in it. Your partner is not responsible for your happiness, you have to find it for yourself.
2. Know Your Partners Love Language
If you don’t already know, these are the 5 love languages:
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Words of Affirmation
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Receiving Gifts
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Physical Touch
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Acts of Service
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Quality time
I’m going to go ahead and expose my love languages (most people have more than one and they can change over time). I’m a quality time and acts of service kind of girl (currently anyway). I enjoy spending time talking about future plans, aspirations we have, TV shows we’ve been watching as well as going on dates (big or small). Any time we have together I enjoy (WITHOUT PHONES). Acts of service is important to me, small gestures or big ones. Something as little as doing the dishes or taking my car for a bath. Anything that makes my life a little bit easier is hugely appreciated, probably a lot more than I can show. Understanding your partners love language is imperative to the survival of the relationship. We rarely speak the same language as our partner, but we often try to speak to them in our language, but they don’t understand it. My boyfriend’s love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. If I’m speaking to him in his languages, he would be more likely to appreciate it and vice versa.
3. You’re Not Always Right
This one is tough. In a relationship, we have to realize we are not perfect and we are not always right. This can oversee a variety of situations, so I’m going to single in on one that I think is important. Consider this: You’re having an argument with your significant other and you feel strongly about the topic (whether or not your opinion is accurate) and you say something mean and over the top (or vice versa). EVEN IF YOU’RE RIGHT, that old saying your parents are always quoting “it’s not what you say, but how you say it,” it’s not right to hurt their feelings because they disagree with you. It’s important to come to terms with the fact that you won’t agree on everything, but hear out your partner when they have opinions or want to express their side of the story, which can help avoid unnecessary arguments. This is only one of many, if you think you are right ALL of the time maybe a relationship isn’t for you.
4. Communication and Compromise
Communication is something everyone knows is key in a relationship, but many still struggle here. In reality, we are humans, and we will fall short sometimes, so it’s important to know when you’re losing communication in the relationship. One thing I’ve learned is that there is not always the same amount of effort given from both sides at all times. I’ve lacked, he’s lacked. What matters in these situations is that you let each other know how you’re feeling and maybe find out if there’s an underlying factor as to why your significant other is falling short (this is in your own judgment of how you approach them). We all have moments when we fall short of ourselves, whether it be a mental reason, family drama or other outside factor; it’s beneficial to have that person who can help you realize you’ve lost your way, or being that someone for them.
Compromise is just as important, and something I’ve struggled with. I like to get my way, so when I started to realize that if I wanted to stay with this person I loved, I had to decide if the things I wanted were really worth losing someone I care about. Of course you don’t give up everything, but just understanding neither of you will always get your way is key here.
5. You Will Never be Beyoncé and Jay-Z
I know we all see our “favorite couples” around and wish or wonder if we would ever find that in someone. The truth is, you can’t find what someone else has. You can only find what is meant for you and what you make of it. Envy and comparison are relationship killers. You have to find happiness in your life and relationship, not what you think it should be. Relationships are about growth and learning, so if you find yourself in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere, leave! LIVE, LEARN and GROW.