I could sit here and repeat the same reasons to date the good guy that you have all heard before. The list would include such clichés as “the only tears he will make you cry are tears of happiness” and “he will never let you down”. But the truth is, even the good guy can make you cry, and the good guy is not the “perfect guy”. He is bound to let you down, and he is bound to make you cry. The difference is that the tears will be worth it, and he will only let you down because experience has revealed to you his potential.
It’s no surprise that we tend to go for the “bad guy”. We like the chase, and we find comfort in the mystery. We feel that going for the bad guy will make us look more attractive to others because that is the “cool” thing to do. The real question we need answered is not why we choose the bad guy, but instead why we run from the guy who is going to make us happy and run to the guy who loves the chase- the guy who is bound to break us? I can tell you why. The good guy has the potential to break our hearts, while the bad guy will only break our self-esteem. Somewhere in our lives, we learned that protecting our heart was worthwhile. So in an effort to protect our heart, we end up losing the good guy and breaking his heart.
We believe it is fine though because we are chasing the bad guy, the one who is enjoying this game with five other girls, practicing memory strategies just to remember your name. The bad guy is making empty promises that we love to hear, even though we know they are bound to be broken. Meanwhile, the good guy is trying to figure out where he went wrong, wondering why this amazing girl lost interest in him, and how he can get her back. The good guy is not blaming the girl for not liking him; he’s blaming himself because in his eyes, she has done nothing wrong, and somewhere, at some point, something went wrong and it must be his fault.
The good guy is a listener
You know after you’ve just told your man all about your day and you finally get to the pivotal point in the story and you’re expecting a big reaction, when all of a sudden you get a question like, “Wait, so where did you say you were today?” That’s because you’re with the wrong guy. The good guy not only listens when you are telling him stories about your day. He also listens when you are not expecting him to. The good guy listens when you say you love a certain dish–this guy not only knows the dish, he knows the restaurant. The good guy knows you take milk in your coffee and sugar if you’re hung-over. He knows when a sappy song comes on the radio, you’re going to say, “I love this song!” Though this song may sound like nails on a chalkboard to him, the good guy turns it up. He knows how you are feeling as soon as he sees your face, and he knows this because he pays attention.
The good guy makes you sing love songs instead of “angry girl” songs
We’ve all done it. We start seeing this guy, he starts messing with our minds and we automatically think we are losing such a great thing and wonder how it could have ever gone so wrong? We ask ourselves what we did wrong and start replaying every waking moment we have ever spent with the guy. We over think and then we slowly start to give up. Next thing we know, we’re blasting Carrie Underwood (“You had my heart now I want it back, I’m starting to see everything you lack”) or Beyonce (“Honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had”). We all have our angry girl playlist. The interesting aspect of all of the songs we listen to is that they suggest we know the guy we wasted our time on was not worth it. Chances are we knew it the entire time. When you meet the good guy and decide to give him a chance, your angry girl playlist will quickly fade. Before you know it you will be singing Taylor Swift’s “Begin Again” and Hunter Hayes’ “Wanted”.
The good guy makes you laugh
Let’s be real here. The bad guy is almost never funny. We laugh to boost his ego or because we don’t know what the hell he is talking about. The bad guy’s jokes tend to come at the expense of others, a sure sign of his lack of confidence. The good guy, however, is funny once you get to know and understand him. You will discover his quirks and unique sense of humor, and once he has made you appreciate these idiosyncrasies, your laughter will never be far. He will make you laugh when you least expect it, even if he did only trip over a yoga mat. The good guy has the potential to summon that laugh that makes your eyes water, that most obnoxious laugh that he inexplicably finds attractive.
The good guy gives you butterflies- the real kind
If you’ve ever been in love or deeply cared for someone, you know what the “real butterflies” are. These butterflies are feelings that extend past your stomach. They are the feelings that make your fingertips tingle and your knees tremble; they are the feelings that make your cheeks flush and your eyes smile. If you’ve only been wasting your time on the bad guy, or made out with random guys at frat parties, then quite possibly the only butterflies you have ever experienced were stomach pains from the beer you were consuming. Those butterflies also come with a headache in the morning, unanswered questions about what happened the night before and quite possibly who was actually involved.
The good guy comes with the most risky decision you may ever make
We all like to believe that the bad guy comes with a risk because he is a mystery to us. The risk is exciting, never quite knowing what is going to happen next. Ironically, choosing the good guy is the most risky decision we will make. It changes our life, mends our heart, and settles our mind. To girls, this is terrifying. Choosing the good guy makes us vulnerable; it is a conscious decision to expose ourselves to the possibility of being hurt. But by subjecting ourselves to this risk, we open ourselves up to the good surprises that we never expected. If we make the decision to go with the good guy, we will find that he is unpredictable. And if you have only experienced the bad guy, then the good guy will surprise you every day in ways that you never imagined. You will start to see exactly what you have been missing- things you did not even know were possible, at least not for you. The risk you take with the good guy is not only more genuine than the risk of the bad guy, but it opens up a world of possibilities.
The good guy believes in you and encourages you. He wants you to be happy and will put your happiness first. This is not to say that the good guy does not need his “man time”. He does, but at the end of the day, the good guy goes to bed thinking about you, while the bad guy may not remember going to bed at all. The good guy is reliable. He will be there for you when you need him, and when you push him away, he will come back. The good guy is a lover and a fighter. He is not perfect. He will make mistakes that upset you, but he will fight to win you back because he will realize that he has done wrong. The bad guy may not even realize that you left. What is important to know is that the bad guy is not the unbelievably good-looking guy we see in the movies. He is not the brooding type, who just needs a sensible girl to get him on track. The bad guy does not know what he wants. He does not know where he is going. If he does not know where his life will take him, how can he possibly be even partially responsible for yours? The good guy may not have it all at first, but what makes him “good” is that he is willing to try and most of all, he is willing to try with you.