So, you already read part I and we still have seven negative ways of thinking we need to nix. Let’s get to it!
Comparing: You compare yourself to others, trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.
-We all do this and, I’ll be the first to admit, it’s hard to stop. There’s so much going on around us while we’re in college and it’s easy to get caught up in the mess. Whether it’s taking a class with a friend and always comparing grades, or endlessly creeping through people’s party pictures on Facebook wishing you had that much fun, it’s unhealthy. Try to spend more time focusing on you! “Don’t let comparison ruin your joy.” One of my favorite quotes. J
Control Fallacies: The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you.
-The wording in this one is a little confusing but, more or less, it means you feel like you’re responsible for everybody else being happy. We all have that one friend who always seems to find the bad in every situation. There’s too much butter in the popcorn at the movies, the bar is too crowded, this guy she’s talking to isn’t paying attention to her enough at a party. It is not your job to constantly make sure your friend is having fun, especially if you’re finding it’s taking away all of your enjoyment. This way of thinking will result in endless disappointment. There is no possible way you can make everybody happy all the time. Sometimes, ya just gotta do you.
Blaming: You hold other people responsible for your pain, or take the other tack and blame yourself for every problem.
-The more common one in this pair is holding other people responsible for your pain. It is SO MUCH EASIER to blame everything on everyone else instead of just taking responsibility for your own actions. Yeah, maybe you weren’t going to go out on Thursday because you had a huge exam the next morning, but your friend peer pressured you into dollar drinks. GUESS WHAT? It’s still your fault that you went out, slept in, and missed your exam! You, my friend, have the ultimate choice in the matter and need to stop blaming others for your misfortunes.
Shoulds: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act and people who break the rules anger you.
-Personally, I struggle the most with this one. Example: Your friend borrows one of your favorite shirts. You stress to her how much you love that shirt and expect it back the way it was lent out. However, your silly, drunk friend was having too much fun at the bar when she accidentally spilt her drink all the way down the front of said shirt. The next day, it dried and doesn’t look so bad. She returns it to you without washing it hoping you won’t notice. A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y N-O-T. The “should” here is that she should’ve been honest with you about it, washed it, bought you a new one, or all three. Can you tell this has happened to me before? Ugh, really grinds my gears. Although you have every right to be annoyed, try not to let it ruin your day when someone doesn’t do something they so clearly should have. It’s just going to be a thorn in your side.
Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true automatically. If you feel stupid and boring, then you must be stupid and boring.
-This one is tough. So, there’s this guy you’re into and he just never seems to really give you the time of day. Other guys show you attention, but you can never seem to really get this particular guy in your reach. He is always flirting with other girls and making you feel down. Chin up, little lady! Just because this one guy and this one situation is making you feel undesirable, ugly, etc. does NOT mean that you actually are these things. Maybe this one guy just can’t see your worth or you’re genuinely just not his type. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment.
-Pretty sure every girl can relate to this one, if not personally then by association. We’ve all heard it before, “All guys are a**holes, they’ll all screw you over.” Well, let’s break this one down. You most likely know plenty of amazing guys who would do anything for you and, chances are, you have zero interest in any of them. Ever think you might be going for the wrong guys? I know it’s hard. Girls love a**holes, guys love b*tches. What are ya gonna do? But before you say every guy is a no good son of a gun, try adjusting who you have your sights on.
Being Right: You are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go any length to demonstrate your rightness.
-Let’s admit it, we all love being right, who doesn’t? But when it gets to a point where it makes your blood boil to admit your wrong, that’s when the trouble comes in. Whether you’re dealing with a boyfriend, best friend, roommate, teacher, or parent, being able to admit you are wrong (even if your intentions may have been good) is an amazing quality to possess. People will actually respect you more when you do this. Also, if you know you’re right and you are just arguing with an ignorant imbecile, it’s a good thing to know when to walk away. As long as you know you’re right, who cares if anybody else does?
Hopefully this article helped you target some of your automatic, negative thoughts. Now, all you have to do is be able to identify them when they happen and change it :) Trust me, you won’t regret it!