Stop the world I want to get off. Where did the time go? When did this day come? The day when I would suddenly need to grow up, walk across that stage and become the person I have been waiting to become for years. How has it all happened so quickly? Everyone told me it would, but I never believed it. I never believed it every time I had to return to school after summer vacation. I never believed it while I shed the tears when leaving my family. I never believed it when the homework and the papers and the readings piled up so high that I wanted to bury myself underneath them and come out when the semester was over. And I sure did not believe it when my family and friends told me “someday you’ll miss this”.
I hate change. I deny it. I deny it until I have to pick myself up and tell myself to get over it, that things will be better on the other side. This change, that word that we have all been dreading to say, as if it is a bad word to come off our tongues—graduation, is fast approaching. I find my head spinning more and more every day. I find myself wanting to break down and cry at the simplest things. Why? Probably because I feel unprepared and if any of you are anything like me, four years just doesn’t seem to be enough. It doesn’t seem to be enough to prepare us for the rest of our lives. I still feel as if there are so many lessons I have to learn. I feel that I am not ready to make my own schedule and keep myself on track. I am not ready to live on my own or work every day. I’m not ready. I’m not ready. These are the words that keep fumbling around inside of my head.
All of these ideas are flashing through our minds. Images we have seen from friends past or present. We see couples moving in together, we see engagements, we see our friends landing jobs and internships. It seems that all we see around us are people going on and doing great things. How are we supposed to measure up? We feel as if we are already behind. As if college is this great steel gate, holding us back, keeping us fenced in.
We rely on social media to guide us and answer our questions as to what to do next. But the truth is, we only see what people want us to see. People don’t post their fears or insecurities. They present their best self to prove to people that they are doing something. And it is with these images artificial or true that we feel pressure all around us, swaying us in different directions. If there is one piece of advice I have, it is never compare yourself to the people around you.
The people we have met along the way will either stay with us or go off in their own directions. This is a fact of life. Getting together with friends will not be as simple as knocking on the door of their apartment, or walking across the living room to their bedroom. Our Thursday night plans will not be scheduled for us, nor will our weekend plans. We will have to find the time and make the effort. This is scary. This is hard. Growing up suddenly does not seem like all it is cracked up to be. So once again I say, stop the world I want to get off.
We must take this next phase in our life one step at a time and we must take it for what it is. Our social lives are not over. The fun is not over. Our relationships are not set in stone. Everything can change, but we will stay. The truth is, our lives are just beginning, the gates will be opening soon, not to a new life, but to a life we have created for ourselves, a continuation of our college selves. The people we are now are the people we are going to be. We will not magically morph into someone else when we walk through the doors of our new job.
Moving that tassel does not mean there is no going back. Moving that tassel does not suddenly make us a grown up. It is gradual. It is a transition. It does not mean we are on our own. We are going to struggle and that is ok. Trust that you are ready. Trust that you will get there, to this self-defined place that you so desperately want to be.Throw your fears aside and enjoy it—every terrifying, exciting, anxiety-producing minute of it.