Clammy fists clenched, knees trembling, heart pounding through my chest, I walked carefully and hopelessly to the guidance counselors office. Tears filled the hallways, cries could be heard from every angle and word was being spread of a car accident and a death. Mr. McCarthy was the guidance counselor, however he was not my guidance counselor; he was my brother’s—a fact that terrified me. The heavy door that held all the answers to my questions was closed—one of the most welcoming doors in the building, a door that was never closed. As my palm stretched and carefully clutched the door handle I slowly walked in to see a familiar face, except her eyes were full of sorrow and her arms were ready to outstretch, to hug the person she had been waiting for and I had the unfortunate impression that this person was me. I stood with horrific posture, arms drooping and my eyes ready to fill with salty water as I pleaded ‘please tell me it is not my brother’. Moments later I was in her arms as she held me close saying the words that I will never in my lifetime forget: “Becca Solomon was killed in a car accident today on her way to school”. My mind raced, my heart sank, and questions filled my nervous tongue. I begged and begged hoping it was not true, hoping she was only injured and being attended to in a nearby hospital. Unfortunately fate and God had taken over. Becca was not with us anymore and I knew from that moment my brother would not be with us, in the same way, ever again.
When tragedy strikes adrenaline takes over, sending our bodies into panic, fear, disbelief, rage and finally intense exhaustion. We do not know what to do or where to go. We automatically think “this cannot be real” until the sadness is right in front of us and we have no choice but to accept the weight that has just been put on us. The tragedy that took place in Boston on April 15th, was just that- a tragedy that seemed unreal, unfair and downright wrong. Luckily, something that day had stopped me from attending the marathon, but there were many people who did attend, many lives affected and though many were left physically uninjured, I can guarantee there was not one person there that day that did not leave emotionally unharmed.
As I reflect on the greatest tragedy that struck my life, my brother’s life and my school’s life, I cannot help but think that there is not one tragedy we encounter in life that is small-that can be brushed off and cast aside. No matter how many people are affected in a tragedy, a life is still a life, a person is still a person, and any person directly affected leaves behind numerous people who care and grieve deeply for the life of the one person they can never have back. I cannot think of any words that would truly comfort an individual in the midst of a tragedy or getting over the loss of a loved one because no one can ever “get over” a loved one. However, from my own experience in losing someone close to me, in possibly the most unfair way one could leave us at such a young age, there are a few things that helped me to recover from the fear and sadness I was left with. They are as follows:
1.) Cherish every day you have with your loved ones
2.) Know you have a support system who cares deeply for you and needs to you be healthy and well
3.) Talk out your feelings. Do not keep them bottled up. Give yourself a break; you have every right to grieve.
4.) Do something for that person- carry on their stories, keep them in your heart and let their memory live on.
5.) Cry. Even when it does not seem appropriate. Cry until you feel better and remember with each passing day, even in the hardest of days, that someday, somehow, it will get better.