Everyone has that one person that they just can’t seem to let go of. We know them as our “first loves.” My first love was my boyfriend of over five years. He was my high school sweetheart, my next door neighbor and my best friend. After testing our relationship many times over the course of our freshman year of college, we called it quits and my world completely fell apart. I had lost my support system, my trust was betrayed, and the most frustrating part was that I could not for the life of me bring myself to move on. So, I did what most broken-hearted girls do, I recoiled into a full blown pity party for a good week. But when the chocolate started making me break out, and when I realized I had memorized every single lyric in every possible Taylor Swift song, I did the most important thing a girl can do, I got out of bed.
For all you broken-hearted girls, this is what I like to call step number one. Give yourself one entire day to wallow in bed with the blinds drawn, your favorite comfort foods by your side, and Sex in the City reruns playing nonstop- of course. But what you need to know is that the next chapter of your life starts once you take that first step out of bed. Your bed becomes a black hole of some sort. As silly as it may sound, forcing yourself to stop feeling sorry for yourself and to face the rest of the world is one of the hardest things to do. Once you’ve taken the initial leap from your bedroom black hole (and hopefully showered) you need to surround yourself with the people who love you unconditionally, your best friends and family. This is step number two. Without my friends in my constant reach, I would not be where I am today, happy. Whether it was picking up my hysterical phone calls at 2am, or listening to me over analyze every detail of the breakup, they were always there for me. The worst thing you can do is to block everyone out. Although the shame and hurt of a breakup can be mortifying, you need to realize that it does not make your friends and family love you any less or look at you any differently. You are still the same wonderful person, with or without the one that you love.
The third step in my recipe for a broken heart is to keep busy. While this might be the last thing you want to do, it is one of the most important parts of moving on. By focusing on an activity, your mind begins to concentrate on something other than the new activities occurring on his facebook newsfeed. Personally, I threw myself into running. This came as a huge shock for someone who never was partial to running. I found that this was the only time I could get my heartbreak off my mind, and really think clearly. You also begin to really start doing things that you might not have had time for when you were tied down. I had one of the best summers of my life, because for the first time I had no commitments other than to my best friends. Keeping busy is the best way to keep your mind off him, but let’s be real, what do we do when we start to miss him?
With every step forward, there are always going to be those “missing him” moments, which can lead to huge slip ups. They come and go, and don’t beat yourself up over it if you start to have one. However, you need to remind yourself that both of you different now, but that doesn’t mean he never cared about you or that your love didn’t matter. One of the hardest things I ever had to hear was my ex boyfriend say that “we” were different now. I never thought that feelings would change between us, or that we would grow apart. In order to ease the often painful results of these “miss him” moments there are a few simple actions to avoid. The first being, how much you’re obsessing over the recent activity on his facebook profile. It is far from normal if you are searching his name over two times a day, or when you know the exact person who was last to write on his wall. I know it is tempting to check his profile every free chance you get, but it is not healthy for you and your self esteem. If you are constantly checking up on him, then you are not allowing yourself to move on. Knowing his password is also lethal. If you know his password, either ask him to change it or delete him off facebook altogether. The last thing you want is to discover the newest girl in his life or even worse, lose his trust altogether when he figures out your game. The hardest decision I made was deleting my ex from facebook, but for someone like me it had to happen. It is important to remember that one day you will be friends again, but everyone needs time and space to heal. Another important thing not to do is to keep talking to him. I know it is hard to cut someone out completely after they have been such a big part of your life, but by continuing to talk to them you are tricking yourself into thinking that the two of you are actually going to get back together, when in reality it may not happen. It is important for you to learn how to cope and be okay on your own. You are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at you, and when you feel like you are not, lean on your friends.
The absolute worst thing you can do to yourself is to throw yourself into the arms of someone else. When we jump into another relationship after a freshly broken heart, chances are things will end up being messy. As much as it is comforting to receive those texts late into the night, in the grand scheme of things, they mean nothing and will only fix your broken heart temporarily. The only thing that truly heals a broken heart is time. You need space to grow and learn how to be alone. It will make you stronger, and if you can avoid all of these things, chances are someday you will be able to be at a somewhat civil level with your ex. It can take weeks and even months to really move on from your first love; the most important thing to remember is that even though you are no longer dating, you will always have a space in their heart. Cherish the times you had together, and remember that you deserve someone you don’t have to make excuses for. Everything happens for a reason, and everyone ends up with who they should truly be with in the end. And whenever you are feeling low, or about to have a miss him moment, do what I do and remind yourself of this quote; “And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.”– He’s Just Not That Into You. Eat, breathe, and sleep that quote, because moving on is what will give you that happiness back and make you realize how incredible you truly are.