As the end of my senior year becomes closer and closer, it is bittersweet to look over all the memories, connections and progress I have made over the last four years. Just before I sat down to write this article, I was told, that “this is your last Her Campus article.” How is that even a true sentence?? Just yesterday I was sitting in front of my computer trying to come up with a good topic for my first Her Campus article.
Hearing the word “last” associated with something I have put so much effort, time and love into made me realize that there are many other “lasts” I have occurred in the last few weeks, and that there are many more to come within the next month. A few weeks ago, I made my last UNH payment. On Wednesday, I submitted my last paper ever for a course in the UNH Psychology Department. In December, I registered for classes for the last time. On Monday, I will be attending my last lab at UNH. On May 9, I will attend my last lecture at UNH, the last time I will step into an academic building on campus. On May 23, I will move out of my UNH living situation (dorm, apartment, etc.) for the last time. On May 20, it will be the last time I will ever be considered a current UNH student.
All these “lasts” have made it a little difficult to celebrate the “firsts” that are coming in the next few months for me. On June 1, it will be my first time living alone in Durham. It will also be the first time I start a (temporary) full time job. On August 15, I will be moving into my first apartment in Boston. In the beginning of September, I will have my first day of school at New England College of Optometry. All of these amazing opportunities are coming my way, but lately all I can think about is what I’m leaving behind.
What makes saying goodbye to the last four years so much more difficult is that I did not appreciate what was in front of me. My entire senior year all I could think about was graduating — I wanted to leave Durham, I wanted to be done with classes and I did not want to be a UNH student anymore. I even wrote an article about how much I wanted to leave. But that was when I was in a different place, mentally. I was depressed and pessimistic — everything irritated me. I became someone I couldn’t even recognize: shutting my friends out, not going to class or submitting assignments.
Now that I’m in a better place, I am trying to appreciate the little things about college while I still have them. But along with this rekindled appreciation is the regret of not doing so before. This is what makes looking forward to the good things hard. I’m excited for new people and opportunities, but sad to be living my life as a college student with little real-world-responsibilities for the last time.
So, to all that have made my UNH experience what it was, thank you for giving me something that makes saying goodbye so hard (cliche I know). While I plan my future and move toward all the new opportunities that await me, I will always cherish the rollercoaster that was the last few years.
Roll cats.
