Too many of us are stuck wishing we had something more. We believe that if we could just change this one tiny little thing, then everything would fall into place. If we could just be a little taller, we wouldn’t always be referred to as “cute”. If we could just care a little less, we wouldn’t always get hurt. If we just liked everything our friends did, we would have no problem fitting in.
We struggle with this as kids and we still struggle with this as adults. We feel we need to prove ourselves. Prove anything and everything. We need to explain ourselves because we just don’t feel that anyone will understand. This past year, I noticed some of my closest relationships changing. Not necessarily in a bad way. They simply began to transform, as I got older, with new experiences and new relationships. I felt torn, struggling to find a balance between what I wanted to do and what I felt like I should do. This is when I realized I was stuck being me for the rest of my life.
I am different. I am not like the stereotypical college kid who is comfortable going home only occasionally or partying three days out of the week. I do not find comfort in the hangovers or staying in bed all day. I am not passing judgment on those who enjoy these things, I am simply saying, that’s not me. I used to wish it were. I tried, and I never found comfort in it. I am quiet and confident and I don’t mind being me.
It has taken me 21 years to figure out that the person I have been my whole life, the decisions I have made, the feelings I have felt, they are all me. They are still me. They are not going away. I have been me for 21 years, but it is not until now that I understand that. I am ok with being an introvert. I love and accept the fact that I am a homebody. I am fully confident in the fact that I know exactly who my friends are. I know who will be there for me and I know who is important to me.
As I journey into adulthood, it is becoming more and more clear that these unrealistic pressures we put on ourselves are not critical to our happiness. They are concerns we have fabricated our whole lives because of our lack of confidence in being who we are. I am comfortable being me because for the first time, I know that the rest of my life is up to me. What I choose to do and where I choose to be, that’s on me. That is not on the approval of my friends. That is not on the consent of my parents. It is from here on out that I know whatever I choose to do, it will be because that is what I want. That is what makes me feel happy. Most importantly, it is what makes me better as a person.
As a future teacher, I preach to children the importance of being themselves. I teach them to value individuality. I embrace their differences. I strive to get their peers to see what I see- that they are unique and they too have a lot to bring to the table. So I write to you, college girls who are undoubtedly victims of wanting to be someone else. Find yourself. Find what makes you happy and do it. Do not wait for approval. Do not let others sway you. Be you. Because in the end, you need to present your best self to the world and you need to be comfortable with that.
I am never going to be the center of attention. I will never be taller. My eyes will always be brown. I will never be a mathematician. Caring will always get the best of me. I cry when I laugh. I act silly. I will always protect the ones that I love. I am a role model for my younger cousins. I will never cease to find clarity by the ocean. I will always be a supportive sister, a loving daughter and a faithful friend. I know what I love, and I know what I don’t. And I’m okay with that.