We hear a lot today that we should not allow our happiness to depend on other people. “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else”, and “find happiness within yourself” are common things that we are told can help us be happy on our own. However, none of this is helpful if we cannot figure out how exactly to cultivate happiness from simply just yourself. There is no ignoring that this is a hard feat. We grow up surrounded by others, constantly being stimulated, busy, and social, with little time left alone. When that time alone does come, typically in these years of college and new independence, it can be hard to find another source of contentment that does not come from external sources. I think this finding this internal contentment is something we should be taught to do more. I think we can learn happiness.
Happiness to me is gratitude, perspective, and curiosity-all things that you can choose. You can choose to see the good things in your life and make those your main focus. To start, I think you genuinely need to think of what brings you joy and make it a point to incorporate that into your daily life. If you know what makes you happy, why deprive yourself of it? Why only grant it to yourself on certain occasions? Buy your favorite coffee in a big pack and have it to wake up to every morning. If being alone and outside for a little bit brings you some calm, make it a point to go for a walk in the morning before the day starts. Listen to your favorite music all the time, not just when you’re happy. Go drive down your favorite road or through your favorite town. I think sometimes we think we have to withhold these things from ourselves to make them more special, but I think if we know what makes us happy, what exactly are we waiting for? Why wait for the weekend to have breakfast with your friends and why wait for your grandma’s birthday to call her?
If you want to change how you feel and how you think, the first step is changing what you consume on a day to day basis. You are your thoughts and your thoughts are generated from that with which you fill your life. This can be as simple as finding new books, podcasts, or even YouTubers that are in line with how you want your life to be, or it can be as challenging as changing the people who surround you. In terms of gratitude, we spend so much time racing toward the next best thing in life that we forget to enjoy what we have now. We forget that where we are right now ( and what we have and who we’re with) is the place we used to dream of being. I think the biggest hindrance to happiness lack of gratitude for the present: failure to realize that we will never be at this point in our lives again. You can choose how you see the situations that are thrown at you and you can choose how you handle them because, in the end, that is all they are: external situations. They do not come with any connotation until you assign meaning to them. Choose that meaning in a way that will serve you. It is freeing when you realize that you can handle anything that comes your way because the worst that can come from it only has to do with how you are allowing it to feel. Lastly, curiosity is one facet of happiness I have found out for myself over the past few years. I do not think being stagnant can bring anyone happiness. If you are not striving for something more, life becomes dull and without purpose. On the other hand, being curious can lead you to new passions and new connections with others. Being disinterested and disengaged from all that is going on around you is the easiest way to lose a sense of purpose and love for life.
I think if you are not looking forward to all you have left to experience, you need to change your course in life. There are too many areas to pursue and people to meet to settle for an average and mundane life. You are not confined to being one thing and remaining the same person your whole life. You can have as many passions and be as many things as you want. When one version of yourself is no longer aligning with who you want to be, it is okay to make the decision to change without explanation to others. There is no outline that you have to fit into, even if you have already created expectations of other people by telling them your plans for the future. You do not owe it to anyone to fulfill a past notion that you once thought was your path. You can begin and end anything whenever you choose to do so.
This may not all be easy but it is a start to breaking down how we can actually find happiness within ourselves. Through all of these lessons, I have begun to see that happiness is not something we hope we stumble upon, something we hope external things like relationships, jobs and outward appearances can bring to us, but instead something that we really can learn if simply choose to do so.