My boyfriend and I have done long distance for the majority of college. Although it definitely is not always easy, I have learned a few things along the way to make things a little easier.
First and foremost, I think the most important thing for a long-distance relationship is feeling secure in the relationship. Security builds trust between partners. When you are physically far away from each other, trust becomes the foundation of a relationship. It also helps to reduce jealousy. Trusting your partner and feeling secure in their fidelity towards you helps to maintain a healthy emotional distance, something necessary for a long-distance relationship to thrive!
Another big realization for me was getting that the other person has their own life, too. Honestly, this is something that’s true for any relationship. Acknowledging your partner’s independence will help to support a balance between your relationship, interests, friendships and other time commitments. This balance is key. Independence is healthy and allows you to both grow individually and together. Understanding and accepting that each of you has a separate life can lead to a stronger appreciation for the time that you do get to spend together.
Another extremely important thing is communication. Consistent communication is something I know this is something I need in a relationship. I like to know what my boyfriend is up to and when he will be free to chat. Open and honest communication enables trust between partners. When you can talk about your feelings freely, it creates a basis of trust and understanding. One of our more recent rules is that no arguing is allowed over text. It is so easy for misunderstandings to happen over text. We try to call and use effective communication to resolve our conflicts. We try to let each other express our perspectives and understand each other’s points of view.
Next, you need to both be committed to making time together meaningful. Even though we talk throughout the day, the conversations are not always meaningful. My boyfriend and I like to have longer talks at night, something we may not have time for throughout the day, to go over things on our minds. We also like to plan virtual date nights once in a while. There are various ways to go about this. We have used TeleParty to watch Netflix shows together. We have also FaceTimed and used apps that allow you to play games with friends. I highly suggest playing Wavelength! Another thing that is really helpful to me is to have trips planned to see each other. This gives you something to look forward to.
Lastly, I think it is really beneficial to be able to envision a future together. All relationships take work, but long distance is a whole other level. If you can’t see a future with your partner, it might raise the question if it is all worth it.