I grew up about a half-hour outside of San Francisco in Oakland, California. Throughout my high school career, I always pressured myself to do better in school, even when I was getting good grades and working as hard as I could. Many of my peers were hard to keep up with due to their many extracurricular activities, grades, sports, and clubs. Personally, I couldn’t handle all of those at once because I knew I would get way too stressed. As a result, I always felt below average at my high school. Nothing ever felt good enough or fulfilling during my time there, even though I was getting good grades and trying my hardest.
Once it was time to apply for college, I felt lost on what it is I wanted to do after high school. I knew I wanted to go to Santa Barbara for school because of the amazing location. Warm weather, right near the water, in-state tuition, what could be better? So I decided to apply to the University of California, Santa Barbara. I then decided to apply to schools back east. My mom grew up near Boston and I had been going to visit my grandparents there for my whole life. This was definitely an option for me because I was ready for a big change in my life. Still, I held onto hope for Santa Barbara. After applying to over ten colleges and universities, many of them on the East Coast, I was confident that I would be accepted into most of them.
Once the acceptances and rejections started to roll in I realized that I was very wrong. Day after day, I would check my e-mail and the online portals that show your admissions status. As time went on, I was growing increasingly stressed and upset when I saw the words “we regret to inform you…” over and over again. Each rejection stung because I worked so hard to get into a school of my choice. I was crushed when I didn’t get into UC Santa Barbara, my dream school. When it came down to the final decision, my options were between The University of Colorado Boulder and UNH, two very different options. I decided to visit Boulder and once I did, I knew it wasn’t for me. So I was left with the decision to go to UNH or figure out a different plan. See, I knew I wanted to go to school back east, but I never really considered UNH as the place I would be spending the next four years of my life. I thought that when you knew you wanted to go to a university, you felt that it was “the one.” When I toured UNH, I never felt that instant connection. For me, I felt like I was rushed to make a decision because I didn’t have many options at the time. After going back and forth, I decided to go for UNH because I knew I wanted to be at a university and my grandparents live 35 minutes away in Newburyport, Massachusetts if I ever needed anything.
Once August 2017 rolled around, I was experiencing intense anxiety and fear of the new life I was about to embark on. I knew the names of my two roommates that I would be living with in a forced triple in Williamson Hall, (so happy that we got along in the end or it would’ve been a disaster) but I was unsure if we’d become fast friends. I knew absolutely no one when I stepped foot on campus. I begged my parents not to leave and cried for weeks after move-in day. Looking back, it was one of the hardest adjustments of my life. Luckily, I did become fast friends with my roommates and made more friends through them.
Fast forward to two years later, now in my junior year studying Communication and Journalism. I have my solid group of friends who I know I will be able to count on no matter what. I feel that I have grown so much over the years, although it seems as though it was just yesterday that I first stepped foot on campus as a freshman. Currently, I am working on my mental health, something that has been an ongoing struggle for me over the years. I am still trying to rebuild myself after a breakup with someone who is still very involved in my life and who I care for deeply. Although it has only been about a month now, navigating the feelings of heartbreak and love has taught me so much. I am learning to love myself more as a result, something that I have pushed aside throughout my life. There are so many more experiences that I will encounter not only here at UNH, but also after graduation that will help me grow into the person I was trying to find all this time. Right now, I can say that I am grateful that I made that decision to step way out of my comfort zone and move 3,000 miles away from all that was familiar. I believe that I ended up where I needed to be, even though it didn’t seem like it at first.
To those thinking about moving far away from home to attend college: it may be difficult in the beginning, but you will eventually find your place. You will end up where you need to be, although it may take some time to realize that. Try to remind yourself of the reason you wanted to move in the first place. Get involved on campus, go to the football games and make as many friends as you can. Sometimes you’ll find that those friends you make will last a lifetime.