Romanticize being alone
We are conditioned to believe that the greatest love stories happen when you are twenty-something, when in reality, we should be taking the time to discover ourselves as individuals and learning how to condition the future generations into doing the same.
So much of my life has been dedicated to waiting for great things to happen to me, but I no longer want to be victim to this idea that everything will come to me and give it the label of this thing called fate. I have listened to the stories for two decades now about how my grandparents were either engaged, married, or pregnant by my age… (spoiler:) I am nowhere close to replicating any of those narratives, and no matter how hard I try, they will never understand my love for being alone.
Let me preface the rest of this article with the blanket statement of this: my definition of being alone, or loneliness, is as follows: the time in which one is able to reflect on themselves, try new things, and define life on their own terms without worrying what other people think about them during this time.
In my twenties, I have done many impulsive things. The first thing to always change is my hair, (Hi Dan. I am publicly apologizing for the calls I have made freaking out from when I dyed my hair black and gave myself curtain bangs, both of which lead to a catastrophic freak out), because hair always grows back, I am never afraid to experiment. As miniscule as it is in the grand scheme of thins, changing my hair on a whim, is a choice that I want to make for myself and not have to worry about how someone else is going to feel about it. Every time (whether we are aware of it or not) we get involved with someone romantically or platonically, we tend to take into account how they would feel about every single one of our decisions and actions. And yes, there are bigger decisions to make than how I want to change my physical look, but if I take into account someone’s opinion for something that is as insignificant as a hair change, I sure as hell will not be able to make decisions for myself and only myself.
On a more serious note, there are many things that I want to do and experience alone in order to truly discover myself. Say I wake up one day and decide that I am going to move to a city, I want to be able to do that for myself and not have to wonder if someone is going to uproot with me, if they can find a job in this new place, or if they can even handle this impulse decision. On the flip side, what if I live in the city for a month and hate it? I am going to want to move home, maybe I will even want to move into the middle of absolute nowhere to counteract the loud, sleepless, and chaotic city life. I do not want to have someone tagging along and experiencing my desires, just because. I want to experience these things, live through (and likely regret) my impulsive decisions, and take the time to try new things, but I need to do it alone.
As of recent I have completely changed my career path. I entered college wanting to be a writer, certain that one day I would be published, and I would have people around the world, in different stages of their lives, reading my books… I am now on track to get my masters in Elementary Education. I made this decision entirely on my own and I am so thankful that I did. This was arguably the first major decision I have made for myself that has changed my entire creative outlook and future. Because of this, I have independence adrenaline. I want to continue to change my life and make decisions without someone influencing or giving their opinions on these choices.
As a society, we need to stop pushing the narrative that our twenties are the time where we need to think about settling down and experimenting in relationships. Rather, we should be projecting this idea of how amazing it is to be able to explore all aspects of life for ourselves. Self-discovery is so important, and it always will be important, and our second decade of life is the best time to utilize our youth and freedom to do so. There is something so beautiful about being twenty-something and learning how to navigate this thing called life, and I am grateful to have this freedom and time to explore.