College is possibly the most stressful and most fantastic time of your life and don’t let anyone tell you any differently. This may be the worst advice I’ve ever given but I’m going to give it anyway. Stop being so perfect. Skip class and do something amazing because, well, you deserve it and that’s reason enough. Take a break three weeks into the semester, take a break three days into it if you want. Go do something for you, because once we all graduate the fun is over and life really begins. Go somewhere. Maybe, New York? Why not. I’m here to give you southern girls who have never traveled up north, a few pointers before you go.
1. If you’re being honked at, I promise you’ve done nothing wrong.
Just like in the movies, the sound of car horns blaring in the background is extremely accurate. It’s all people do there, whether it makes sense or not. It doesn’t matter if the light is red, people think honking in harmony will magically turn it green. They even honk when you’re stopped at a stop sign. They honk at the pedestrians standing too close to the road as they wait to cross. All they do is honk. So don’t take it personally. Your ears will eventually learn to tone it out.
2. Just because the natives are ballsy enough to play leap frog with the taxis doesn’t mean you can too.
I can successfully say that I was almost hit by a taxi during my fist two hours in the city. I don’t care if everyone else is doing it, you wait until you see that little walking man pop up on the signal box before you start weaving through traffic. It’s dangerous out there, girls. Like mom always said, “Look both ways before crossing the street.”
3. Don’t feed the rats (the raccoons are fine though).
If you do anything during your time in the city, go to Central Park. Somewhere by the Balto Statue (my fave) you’ll find a bridge that overlooks the river. Most people stand there to admire the cute couples romantically rowing in boats across the river. But people like me go to see the wildlife living under the bridge. Please feed the baby raccoons. They are cute and hungry and they don’t bite. Also, watch the rats as you walk from path to path. Those b*tches don’t say excuse me.
4. Put your b*tch face on.
If this comes naturally to you, then you’re in the right place. Don’t look cute up north. Look mean and pissed off at the world, and for someone who has never been to New York that’s going to make zero sense, but trust me. If you want to avoid the how-you-doin’-sweetie and other remarks from New Yorker’s, the meaner the face the better. If you want directions from the subway lady and if you want to survive in the city, you have to tuck away the southern hospitality and forget the “no thank yous,” “yes ma’ams,” and, for the love of God, don’t let “ya’ll” slip out.
5. Experience everything
The most important part is to soak it all in. While you’re dodging traffic and getting lost in the subway, don’t forget to enjoy your trip. Get breakfast from a food truck and eat it in Battery Park. Have lunch on the Met steps. Track down the set from your favorite TV show. Snap for the spoken word poet on the subway who was brave enough to stand up in a group of strangers. Tip the musicians drumming away in Times Square. Don’t eat at chain restaurants. Feed the pigeons like they do in the movies. Sight see. Be a tourist. Take pictures. Buy a souvenir. Don’t worry about the money to do it all. Brag about it when you come home. And then plan to do it again next year.