I started my first semester without a boyfriend, and I’m very glad I made that decision. I could barely keep my family and close friends up-to-date with everything my first semester that I highly doubt I would have been able to juggle a long-distance romantic relationship. I’m sure many college students feel the need to opt-out of long-distance relationships before entering college, but what about long-distance friendships? You can’t just opt-out of a friendship with your BFF. She’s like a sister, your “ride-or-die,” you’re the peanut butter and she’s the jelly. So, how do you keep a long distance friendship with your BFF afloat? Since I am a part of a long-distance friendship with my friend since the 4th grade, Morgan, I feel obligated to give some advice to those who also may be in one, or who might take on the challenge in the near future.
Keep each other up-to-date on life events
Classes, work, meetings, sporting events, date nights, the occasional all-nighter…You and your best friend now have different lives and different schedules. You have come to the realization that you two are no longer attached to the hip and are not a 10-minute car ride away from each other. One of you might work super late at night, while the other one may have classes all morning long. Maybe you’re studying abroad for a semester, or she’s transferring to a different college in another time zone. Whatever the distance may be, keep each other up-to-date on important events. It doesn’t even have to be something big as long as it’s significant. Don’t think acing your Biology Midterm isn’t worth calling to tell her. After all, if you were back home she’d be the first person you’d find to show the paper to.
My long-distance friendship include a group chat, snapchats, a once a week phone call, the occasional over-load of Instagram comments. And when we are feeling really disconnected, a three page hand-written letter finds it’s way to the mail box. We try to keep each other as up-to-date on life as possible. Social media today makes staying in touch easy, but that doesn’t mean those interactions are sincere. She may have seen your emotional Facebook status, but that doesn’t mean she knows what is going on. From the big events, like Morgan’s mom being in the hospital with the pneumonia, to the little things, like me getting a free drink at Starbucks when I was having a bad day, keep each other sincerely and intentionally informed.
Don’t get jealous of your BFF’s new friends
While I have never had this problem, I know some friendships that have dealt with this. Seeing your friend spending time with other people you don’t know can be unsettling at first, but she probably feels the same way. Seeing posts and hearing her tell stories about her new life and friends may also make you feel like you’re being replaced. Always keep this in mind though: You are the person she calls to tell those stories to and if she’s telling you the story it’s because she secretly wishes you were there to experience it with her.
Morgan and I have been separated since junior year of high school, so we’ve both had a lot of friendships come and go between then and know. We always ask for mini-biographies of new friends just so we know whom we’re going to meet when we visit each other. We don’t get jealous about each other’s new friends because life is hard and you need all the good friends you can get. I’m not there to cheer her up on a bad day, so knowing that someone is there for her makes me feel more at ease.
Surprise each other
If you guys don’t talk on the phone a lot then call her one day before she goes to class to tell her you miss and love her. Send her motivational E-Cards when she’s having a rough day, or wish her good luck if she has a big test or event later. Send her a care package every now and then, or mail her a sentimental gift. I and some other friends managed to fly to Florida and surprise Morgan during class in high school. The next year, she unexpectedly came to town the weekend of our graduation. Any kind of surprise is a kind gesture to let your friend know you’re always thinking about them.
Make time to go visit each other and try to make it as even as possible
Whether it’s eight hours or eight states away, making time to physically be in the same place can be a hassle. There are multiple obstacles you two have to go through when planning a trip and everything can get in the way. Buying plane tickets can be expensive, your holiday breaks don’t always match up, someone can’t take time off of work, or you have family stuff to deal with that is keeping you at home.
In a perfect world you and your long distance BFF would be able to see each other every weekend. Sadly, that isn’t always the case. I have learned from my long-distance friendship that planning way in advance is key. As soon as the semester begins we match up holidays and long breaks, and inform each other about special occasions we want to be able to see each other at. We start saving up early and try to take turns flying to see each other. I’d much rather go to Orlando, Florida to see her, but she likes coming back to our small home town in North Carolina every once in a while.
Take all the pictures you can when you do see each other
If there are six-month gaps between visits, then I recommend you take six-months worth of pictures when you get together. Dress up and take decent pictures to print and hang in the house, take candid ones to look at on a rainy day, or take horrible ones to use as blackmail later. Sure, you see her face on social media and through your phone screen, but nothing feels as good as seeing pictures of you two together again. Trust me, you won’t ever think you took enough after you say goodbye.