There seems to be an assumption nowadays that words are just words, and anyone can say anything, and anyone who says otherwise is being too “sensitive.” In particular, I am referring to words commonly understood to be slurs. You know the ones: words used to marginalize and belittle minorities, like the n-word, any number of other racial slurs, slurs like “dyke,” “fag,” or the t-word, or ableist, hateful language like the r-word.
I hope that this explanation sheds some light on this subject for those who don’t fully understand why certain people can’t say certain words and provides a resource to those who need the technical explanation of why it’s wrong to give their friends and family who insist on continuing to use slurs in 2020.
These words have historically been used negatively, often to belittle and mock minorities. People in power (the majority) use these words, and words like them, to put minorities down and keep them down. These words make minority groups into a scapegoat, an easily pointed-out “other.” (And no, the term “cracker” isn’t the same thing, as it originally refers to the cracking of a whip, i.e. slave owners, and was never a derogatory term used to put down a minority).
So why is it okay for anyone at all to use these words if they’re so bad? The only people who can are the people who belong to the minority group originally targeted by them. For example, only black people can use the n-word, only gay people can call themselves “fags,” etc. In that way, these slurs are reclaimed by the marginalized communities they were used against before. They are changed into what is known as “reclaimed epithets.” There is power in using these words, and self-identifying with them if you so choose. There is power in taking a sword used against you and turning it into a shield.
But, if you are an outsider to these minority groups, you cannot use these words. Saying them makes you the person in the majority group abusing your position and belittling a group that you aren’t a part of. You can also be part of one group and not part of another. For example, I am a white cis lesbian who self-identifies as a dyke. I would never say the n-word, because that word is not mine to reclaim, and I would expect that any person who isn’t a lesbian to not use the word dyke.
Additionally, not all members of these groups choose to reclaim these words, and that is okay! Some members of the LGBT+ community are opposed to the word “queer” and regard it as a slur no matter what, and some are fine with calling themselves queers. Some black people use the n-word, and some choose not to. That’s their prerogative.
And by the way, your minority friends cannot give you a “pass” to use a slur. It may not offend them, and that’s fine, but that does not mean that the word does not still have power, or that everyone will suddenly be fine with it because one person doesn’t mind.
Words are powerful. Every person should respect that, and have a modicum of human decency for one another, and not using words that isolate and damage others is a good start.
