From a young age, I’ve been an observer. As a shy only child, I would always find myself listening to other people’s conversations rather than contributing to the conversation. I was also always surrounded by adults, which meant I got to sit in on adult conversations. These conversations were usually between my mom and her friends, and consisted of rehashing arguments with spouses, family members, and workplace drama. Between a lifetime of listening in on arguments and being a young adult who has experienced some arguments herself, I feel qualified to give you my six tips on how to have an effective argument.
- Think Before You Speak
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In my experience the short, explosive arguments are always the least effective and most hurtful. If you take the time to have a quiet, long argument, that means you’re taking the time to calculate your responses and think through the repercussions of what you’re saying. A lot of people have the tendency to fly off the handle and say things they don’t mean in an argument. Whenever I disagree with someone, whether in person or over text, I take the time to pause and consider if what I’m about to say is mature, constructive, and a good representation of me.
- Stay Calm
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No one is taking you less serious than when you’re yelling, crying, or acting erratically. If you can keep your composure and remain calm, you’re more likely to be taken seriously and communicate what you actually want to say.
- Listen
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Simple, right? This is not as simple as some may think. When you are having a disagreement, you are often focusing on what you’re going to say next rather than what the other person is explaining to you. If you listen to them, you’ll either find another piece of their argument to successfully counter, or you’ll realize that you have some common ground.
- Take a Break
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If you’re at the point in the argument where the same issues are being talked over and no compromise is in sight, take a break. You might just need some space from the argument (and the person) to determine what you really need to say and what compromises you’re willing to make.
- Focus on Logic Rather than Emotion
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If you can’t come at the argument from a logical standpoint, you may not have something to be arguing about at all. This tip is not just for you, but for the person on the other side of the argument. Don’t put someone else through an argument for something that doesn’t have significance, and don’t put yourself in a situation where you seem petty or unreasonable.
- Respect the Other Person
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Ultimately, if you’re taking the time to argue with someone, that probably means that deep down you care about what they’re saying and the person has some significance to you. If this isn’t the case, consider picking your battles more carefully. If you do care about them, keep in mind that this person also cares enough about you and your opinion to argue with you, and keep in mind that they truly believe that what they are saying is right.
Arguments are never fun, but if you find yourself in one, make it as effective as possible.