Thoughts on my drive from STL to KC

Okay, so this article may seem niche, but if you go to school far from home (more than two hours), then maybe you’ll understand. I am from Saint Louis, so any time I want to go home for the weekend to visit family, I have to prepare myself to drive four hours each way. Now I know that four hours isn’t terrible, but it’s also not fun. So, without further ado, I present to you: a comprehensive timeline of my drive from STL to KC. 

Pulling out of my driveway: 

Okay, here we go! I can do this. Four hours is nothing!

10 minutes in:

Okay, I hate this. Should I just turn around and drop out of college? No, that’s a little extreme. I’m literally not even to the highway yet. 

30 minutes in: 

Did I forget to pack *enter important item here*? Probably not. I’m just being paranoid… I should definitely get off at the next exit and check just in case. *Checks trunk for item* Oh thank goodness, it’s there. We’re good!

One hour in: 

25% of the way done, go me! Time to celebrate with an overpriced latte. *sits in a drive-thru waiting for coffee, ultimately adding 10 minutes to my trip* Ooh, this coffee is gonna be so good! *immediately burns my tongue*

One and a half hours in:

My coffee is gone and so is my energy. How extra would it be to rent a motel room in the middle of Missouri and finish my drive tomorrow? Stop being dumb, you can do this. 

Two hours in: 

WOOHOO, Columbia! Halfway there! And I only felt like falling asleep at the wheel five or six times. Come on, you can do two more hours.

Two hours and five minutes in: 

I am not going to survive for two more minutes, let alone two hours. I hate this. I hate it. I should buy a private jet so I never have to drive across the state again. *Remembering I could barely afford the latte I bought earlier* 

Two and a half hours in: 

Guess it’s time to start my third true crime podcast of the day. Is it possible that the rate at which I listen to true crime podcasts is desensitizing me to the atrocities of murder? Nah. Could I potentially become a murderer? I sure hope not. 

Three hours in: 

Okay, it’s starting to get dark. No more serial killer content for me. Time for a private car concert. I could really use another coffee. No, gotta save up for my private jet. 

Three and a half hours in: 

Oh my gosh, the end is in sight! If I keep pretending that I’m in a Celine Dion music video, I am going to lose my voice. (This is the time in my drive that I usually start verbalizing my internal monologue; yes, I talk to myself in the car).

Getting off the highway:

*Finishing my incoherent monologue about something irrelevant* I literally feel like I haven’t slept in 138 hours. I am so close! You can do this!

Pulling into the parking lot of my apartment: 

I would rather stab myself in the eye with a red ink pen than carry my bags into my apartment right now. Should I give up and sleep in my car? No, my bed is the goal. 

Walking in the door: 

FINALLY! I’m not even going to pretend that I’m gonna unpack right now. My clothes will be fine in my duffel bag for a week or so (or until I go home again). Time to crawl into bed and….*snoring* 

So, as you can see, driving back to KC is not my idea of a fun time, but I make the most of it with coffee, murder and crazy babbling. Whoever said that getting there is half the fun has clearly never driven on I-70 for 200+ miles. The next time you go for a long drive, think about this: at least you’re not listening to me scream/sing off key at the top of my lungs. Good luck, stay alert and drink caffeine; you’ve got this!