I am not standard.
Perhaps the way I look could be described as trendy or fashionable for the time period. Some may even use the words alternative, punk, or grunge. No matter what someone calls it- a phase or a lifestyle, I walk around unapologetically with stretched ears, a septum piercing, and a freshly healing tattoo. I’ve heard many phrases used to describe me simply because I’m held to a standard of beauty where I fall short. If you carry around a similar type of body art, it could be said you fall short of beauty standards because of these modifications.
Piercings can be seen as a fad, or a phase all teenagers go through and ultimately grow out of. Well, I’m 21, I love this aesthetic, and I’m on number six and counting. “That’s okay”, strangers will tell me, “they’re just piercings and when you’re not a young adult anymore you can take them out.” Why do they think I’ll take them out? These piercings enhance my appearance. I walk by a mirror and grin like a schoolgirl with a crush at my own reflection. Unless, God forbid, one gets torn out, they aren’t going anywhere.
I have also heard that piercings are trashy. Most people with body or facial piercings aren’t found in the Hamptons or occupy positions of power. However, there is a reason why this is the case. It is because society has not always been accepting of body modifications. Then again, how can someone, specifically those who are our political leaders and higher income holders, sport this fashion if they lacked positive representation from the modified community and were limited in their ability to use this form of expression? However, with more exposure through positive representation, these modifications are easier to accept and express.
Despite our expanding tolerance as a society, as someone with piercings, I’m still asked why I would do this to my face when I’m “such a pretty girl”. Why would I stretch my ears? Why would I wear a bullring? Now with the addition of a tattoo, I hear, “why would I damage, cover, change my skin when it was so beautiful”? Tattooed women appear to be judged negatively based on certain stereotypes. They are not only limited in professional fields and presumed to show a masochistic nature but are told that they’ve failed a beauty standard if they’re female. If you’re like me, welcome to the club!
Virgin skin is praised. Somehow the word virgin, and pure, through religion or other platforms, has become the ideal. If you don’t have soft, clean skin, you better fix that. If you have tattoos and\or piercings, better hide that if you want to be respected and called beautiful. Of course, there are some people who look at one’s personality, instead of their appearance, when they form opinions and will think you’re beautiful. There are friends and family who think you’re beautiful no matter what you do. There are also fellow body modification loving people who think us modified women are the beauty standard. But the fact is that an overwhelming percentage of society still adheres to the specific ideal that I’ve failed.
This standard, which limits the number and placement of metal decorations and inked art, is what every woman is compared to. I won’t measure up, and you won’t either. It’s hard. It’s draining to walk around as an educated, queer, spiritual person, who is kind and loves more than anyone could imagine, yet receiving judgemental looks and supposedly well-intentioned comments towards my damaged femininity. Still, it’s important to understand why we hear these comments. I’m not standard. Even though we might not be standard, we by being female (and that includes any gender or sexuality who identify as female) define femininity in how we portray it, and that is what’s beautiful.