Dear Crushes,
Hey! My name is Anna, but you already knew that. I am one of your regulars. If we’re being honest, I could probably single-handedly keep you in business with all the crushes I have in any given week. That’s right, I said WEEK. Most people have natural physical and/or romantic attraction to some of the people they come into contact with throughout their lives. I, however, take this idea to the next level. I’m not saying that I want to hook up with everyone I make eye contact with; that’s not my style. I’m more of an, “Oh, you held the door for me? Thanks! When are you free to get married? I’m thinking a fall wedding” gal. I am writing to you today to tell you that I’m kind of tired of you. I’m over it. And here’s why:
- Your name is very fitting.
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Who named you? Because they’re not very creative. I imagine that your naming process went a little something like this: “Hmm, you know that soul-crushing moment when you have romantic feelings towards someone but don’t act on them? It kind of crushes your emotions, doesn’t it? Haha, wouldn’t it be funny to call that feeling a ‘crush’?” How cruel. However, I must admit that it makes perfect sense.
- Sometimes, you make absolutely NO sense.
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I like to think I have a “type.” However, every other time you infect me with feelings, it seems like I am completely blindsided by who is at the other end of those emotions. I am a firm believer in the fact that we cannot help who we are attracted to, and I think this includes the physical features of someone. So, crushes, do types exist? Maybe. But I know that sometimes you throw caution to the wind and completely disregard my type, which leaves me confused. But, you’re nothing if not complicated. Right, crushes?
- You make life interesting.
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Okay, I’ll admit it. You’re not all bad. The handsome stranger crush is fun and harmless. The celebrity crush, my personal favorite, is an opportunity to show your appreciation for your favorite singer or actor (I love you, Brendon Urie). Elementary school crushes were the best. My friends and I used to hide under the slide at recess and talk about our crushes using code names, giggling the entire time. Even in college, it can be fun to have a crush and gush over someone to your friends. Where you really hurt people is when you enter your what-if form. These crushes are often mutual, but neither party makes a move. Then, the opportunity to do so ends, and one or both people are left wondering, “What if?” Also the, “I think you’re so attractive and cool, but I have no idea how to approach someone as awesome as you” crush isn’t super fun either. This is when you suck.
- I hate that I love you.
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As I said earlier, I am a repeat offender. I might even be one of your best customers. I’ve had A LOT of “unrequited” or unspoken crushes, yet I keep coming back for more. So, you must be doing something right. Nothing compares to the giddy feeling I get in my stomach when I sense you coming. You can be fun, crushes, plain and simple. No matter how many times I feel crushed, I will always welcome you with open arms and an open heart.
It’s not that I don’t have standards. Because when it comes to actual relationships, I try to be rational and remember what I deserve. But that’s the thing about you, crushes. You’re absolutely, completely, incredibly irrational. You make no sense and you’re infuriating and you drive me insane, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Would it be easier to swear off love and attraction altogether? Perhaps. But I think I’d miss you. Yes, you cause me mild agony on occasion, but the stuff between the awful, soul-crushing moments is pretty spectacular.
Thanks for everything.
See you (very) soon.
Love,
Anna, Chronically Crushing