Okay, before the hate comments start rolling in, let’s get a few things straight. I consider myself a feminist. There is still a lot of work to be done until women are treated as equals to their male counterparts. But in the meantime, do we really need to treat all men like the spawn of Satan? I’ve noticed a movement toward hating all straight men. Popularized by social media and absolute bops like Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts,” I’ve decided to coin this phenomenon “Men Ain’t Sh*t” culture.
Don’t misunderstand, some men truly are the absolute worst. I have been privileged enough to never have been severely hurt by a man in my life, and I do not take that blessing lightly. I do not want to invalidate the tragedies experienced by countless people who have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused by men. However, not all men are terrible.
You may be thinking, “Okay, we get it. You have a great boyfriend. Woohoo, good for you. Now shut up.” However, I am about as single as humanly possible and I’ve never had an actual boyfriend. I’ve never been truly heartbroken by a guy, but my love life hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows either. Or as Queen Lizzo said, “Yeah, I got boy problems. That’s the human in me.”
Why am I rambling about all of this, you may ask? Well, let’s get vulnerable! I have recently been experiencing some boy problems. I reached out to a close friend about how I had been feeling, and this friend (who is the queen of saying what you need to hear, not what you want to hear) of course told me that I deserved so much and that I was awesome. But she also said something that really opened my eyes. She pointed out that I had been villainizing this guy in my head when, in reality, the only thing he had done “wrong” was not like me back.
Every time I talked to my friends about my problems, most of them were so quick to say, “Screw him, you don’t need him!” or “You are so out of his league.” While these comments were said with the best of intentions and made me feel great in the moment, they were adding to a toxic narrative I had started in my head that all men are the villains in my story. I had become consumed by the “Men Ain’t Sh*t” movement.
I realized that it would be impossible to heal with all of this hate and anger in my heart, so I let it go. It wasn’t easy, but it felt so good acknowledge that a guy wasn’t the one holding me back. It was me. I had to accept that I was angry for no reason, and as soon as I accepted that, I was able to start dealing with my feelings in a healthy, productive manner.
Yes, I will absolutely still rock out to Lizzo and other breakup queens when boys make me sad, but I will start to separate my negative emotions about my relationships from the people in them. When we harbor hate in our hearts for other people, we are the only ones truly hurt. So consider letting go of hate an amazing version of self-care. Happy self-care, collegiettes!