It’s Friday night. You did your hair, makeup and outfit change hours in advance. Now you’re pacing around the room with an eye on the clock as you count down the hours until that first date. Maybe you two have never met before, or maybe it’s the first time you’re both meeting up in a romantic context. Regardless, you’re totally freaking out on the inside even though your outfit is on fire, face is beat to the heavens and your breath is icy cool from eating about ten different mints. We’ve all been there before. The first date nerves can be so real sometimes. Not only does it feel relatively terrible, but it can often prevent us from being ourselves. Going on a first date is just so much easier when we’re relaxed, comfortable, and genuinely excited to get to know someone. So, how do we get ourselves to stop freaking out? Here are five simple tips to help calm those jitters:
1. Think Like a Boss
Oftentimes, we feel nervous because we’re afraid the date won’t go well. All the horrible scenarios that could go wrong are playing in our minds. The other person might not like us. We might screw up and say something dumb. Ultimately, we’re nervous because we want to live up to their expectations. If we do, the date goes well. If we don’t, we face rejection. Well, I’m here to tell you to completely change your mindset. Think like a boss, honey, because you are one. Rather than being scared that they won’t like you, or that you’ll fail to meet their expectations, remember that you’re in charge too. Dating is a two-way street, so you need to prepare a list of your own expectations and desires in a partner. They also need to meet your standards. Don’t just settle for anyone, and definitely don’t give them a pass for only doing the bare minimum. You deserve someone who’s not only amazing but also totally compatible with you. Seriously, don’t forget that. Go ahead and get it tattooed if you need to. Once you take back that control, you’ll feel much more confident going into the date.
2. Drink Some Tea
If you aren’t already a tea drinker, then start now. Seriously, there are teas for pretty much any ailment out there. So, what’s the best kind to try before the first date? Lemon balm tea. Trust me, it can work wonders for anxiety and nerves. It’s an herbal tea that relaxes the body and reduces stress. One cup of lemon balm tea and you’ll be cool, confident and ready to enjoy your date. If you need an alternative, then try chamomile tea instead. It may induce a little more drowsiness, mainly because it’s used to help insomnia, but it also relaxes the muscles in the body. They both have their own signature flavors, so pick a favorite and make it your go-to first date tea. And if you absolutely can’t stand tea, these herbs come in different forms too, like essential oils and supplements.
3. Dial the Squad
Sometimes a classic mirror pep talk isn’t enough. No matter how many compliments you tell yourself over and over, it’s just not working. So, how about asking people with the opinions you value the most? Seriously, call up your girl gang. Tell them you’re feeling a little nervous, and then let them take care of you. If you need compliments, ask what they like most about you. If you need advice, ask them for some tips and words of wisdom. There’s nothing like being hyped up by your squad to boost that confidence. Good friends will always come through in an emergency, so once you’ve received their support, you can take on that first date like royalty.
4. Pretend You’re a Celebrity
Okay, this one might sound a little strange at first, but it totally works. Anytime I start feeling anxious, nervous, or even just down about myself, I pretend like I’ve been possessed by the spirit of Rihanna or Beyoncé. Once those first date nerves start kicking in, you can try it too. All you have to do is pick your favorite celebrity, the person you admire most for their confidence and godlike aura, and then repeatedly tell yourself over and over again that you are that celebrity. Sometimes it even helps to tell yourself that you’re as cool, independent and untouchable of a person as they are. Whichever thought process makes you feel best, go for it. Once you’ve embodied your favorite celebrity, you won’t even remember what nervousness feels like.
5. Maintain a Grounded Perspective
Trust me, your date is not as perfect as you’re making them out to be. Don’t fall into the trap of creating fantasies about someone you don’t know well yet. That always leads to nervousness and disappointment. They’re a human being with as many flaws as good qualities, so if the date doesn’t work out, it simply wasn’t meant to be. And that’s totally okay. Don’t put all your stock into one person and one date. Instead, view it as a fun experience in your life where you can get to know someone new. Who cares if the date doesn’t go the way you hoped anyways? You can always learn and grow from it. If you keep your perspective grounded in reality, being yourself will come so much easier.
Regardless of how you choose to cure those first date nerves, just know you’ve totally got this. You’re a confident, amazing individual who deserves only the best. And even if the date goes differently than you imagined, or they end up being a jerk, take it all in stride and grow as a person. Don’t settle for less than you deserve and please don’t stress about only one date. If it doesn’t work out, there will always be more. So, while you wait for the minutes to go by, bear in mind that this date is just another moment in your life to learn, experience and live. Be yourself and enjoy it.