You’ve met the man of your dreams. Everytime you think of him, you get butterflies in your stomach and your heart skips a beat. After just a couple dates, you can imagine spending the rest of your life with him. He is so attentive, and you feel he truly understands and empathizes with every word you say. He’s your perfect match. You’re just waiting for him to make it official, before someone else snatches up this king that just landed on your doorstep and stole your heart. And, then, GHOSTED. No more sweet good morning texts, no more “be ready by 7”s — just you helplessly reading and rereading all your texts, wondering, “What did I do wrong?” You did nothing wrong! Keep on being the incredible woman you are. Here’s what really went down:
- He Simply Lost Interest.
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It hurts, but it’s the truth. Plain and simple.
Signs: He never really seemed interested in the first place. Usually, this disinterest is mutual, but sometimes not. You two just aren’t meant for each other.
- There’s Another Woman.
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He might not be over a past girlfriend. He might have just gotten out of a messy breakup. He could even have a current girlfriend. In other words, he’s caught up on someone else.
Signs: Guys that are hurting due to a breakup might look for comfort in you. They might ask you for advice, or say things like, “I don’t want to get hurt again.” You’ll feel like his therapist. If he currently has a girlfriend or met someone new, he’ll act like he’s keeping you a secret. He’ll hide his phone, ask to meet at odd hours, not show up, forget about important stuff, etc.
- He Just Went Through Something Big.
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He might have experienced a big change or trauma in his life that he was unsure of how to cope with, so he turned to “dating” you to find solace. Once the excitement of meeting someone new wore off, he lost the comfort he had in you. Furthermore, he can’t make commitments at this point in his life because what he recently experienced caused him to be unsure of what his life really is.
Signs: You might notice him being distracted or fidgety, as if something deep is on his mind and his head is elsewhere. He might also show signs of anxiety or depression, or have a hard time controlling impulses.
- He’s Not Ready For a Relationship.
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Being ready for a relationship takes a certain level of maturity and responsibility. If he’s struggling to keep a job, do well in school, and/or stay mentally and physically healthy, then he may not be ready. Two people won’t succeed together in a relationship if one of them can barely succeed on their own.
Signs: He’s shown signs of emotional immaturity. He might not take care of himself —he’s dirty, unkept, unhealthy, etc. He shows a lack of ambition and, therefore, struggles in his work and/or school life.
- You Got Played.
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He was never looking for a relationship. He only wanted you for your body.
Signs: Did he pressure you for sex early on? Did he seem annoyed when you wanted to just hang out, and it seemed like sex was the ultimatum? If it’s obvious he only wants you for your body, and he ghosted you after sex or after you made it clear sex wasn’t on the table, then you got played.
- You Haven’t Been Ghosted.
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He’s a busy guy. He doesn’t have time to text you all day long, because he’s got tons to do.
Signs: If it’s only been a couple days, or even a couple hours, then maybe you weren’t ghosted. The best thing to do is confront him and ask why he hasn’t contacted you—he might not realize how much time has passed!
- He Got Scared.
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Things have moved too fast. One minute you’re saying your hello’s, and the next, you’re whipping out your life planner to schedule a future together. He thought you two were just getting to know each other, and now he just committed to naming your son John! In the heat of the moment, he felt like marrying you, but now he’s had time to think things through and realizes he barely knows you.
Signs: Rushing into a relationship is never a good idea. You don’t fully get to know the person before making larger commitments and decisions. If both of you were talking about or making huge commitments during the first month of dating, then he probably feels like he needs to take a step back — you should too.
- He Heard Some Things.
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Men can be the worst gossipers. He might have heard some things from his buddies about your past sexual or relationship history, which, of course, may or may not be true. If he ghosted you because of who you’ve had relations with in the past, then ghost him right back. He’s not worthy of your time or energy.
Signs: He might ask you about your past history, but if that’s really an issue for him, he probably won’t and will just ghost you. A more sure sign is if his friends start DMing you on Instagram. You’ll have an idea what they’re looking for—and it’s definitely not a long term relationship.
- Is He OK?
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If things were going really, really well, like you-have-a-date-scheduled-this-very-night well and he’s not returning any of your calls, then maybe call one of his friends or family members. Something could’ve happened to him and he needs your help!
Signs: You’ve been dating for over a month and he’s shown no other signs as to why he ghosted you. Everything’s been perfect and you truly have no idea why he’s not returning your calls. He might have texted you yesterday, but now there’s no sign of him.
- There Is No Reason.
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If you absolutely can’t think of a reason why your fine self got ghosted, then you can either, A. Let it go, or B. Confront him. Not only have you invested time and energy, but you’ve also let yourself be vulnerable to someone who thinks they can disrespect you by leaving you hanging. For all he knows, you could be worried sick about his well-being, or even questioning your worth. The least he can do is give you an explanation as to why you’re not hearing from him.
Being ghosted is not the end of the world. In fact, it can be helpful to you! It takes a level of maturity to confront someone and tell them you want to end a relationship. If a guy can’t communicate how he feels to you, then it shows he’s got some growing up to do. Be fearless! Don’t let yourself be haunted by an immature ghost.