Enjoying the holidays is SO last season. Spice up this Thanksgiving (and Christmas) with these three, fail-proof hacks:
1. Go vegan/vegetarian
First up on our list gives you two options. The route you take depends on how committed you are to ruining this holiday season. After nearly a decade of being a vegetarian, a typical Thanksgiving meal, for me, consists of mentally dividing my plate in two, filling one side with macaroni and cheese and the other with mashed potatoes.
If you are truly dedicated to not enjoying the holidays, you can make the final jump and go vegan. This will reduce you to some bland potatoes, great for keeping off those holiday pounds.
This tip for ruining the holidays is great because it not only wrecks it for you, but also your whole family. Nothing makes a conservative, rural family more uncomfortable than seeing their relative pick at one or two of the multiple dishes they spent all day preparing.
Which brings us to our second tip.
2. Be a liberal in a conservative, rural family
Nothing says, “college is brainwashing me” quite like spewing statistics on the Keystone Pipeline and abortion rates. If you are conservative, merely find a liberal family if you do not have one yourself. They usually lurk on the edge of cities, so you should be able to find one within walking distance of campus.
The key here is to have political tension. It is ideal for everyone in the room to disagree with you. Nothing helps build those essay writing skills quite like having to defend an argument against a group of people who refuse to listen to your points.
3. Make a major life decision
This tip is great because it has a lot of variety. It can range from dropping out of college to being pregnant. You could change your major from civil engineering to english (but only if you bring up J. K. Rowling’s success story). The truly determined will be more creative.
Maybe announce at dinner that you plan to spend the spring semester living in a van and climbing in Colorado. Proceed by asking for money to fund the trip.
The possibilities are endless with this Holiday hack.
By keeping these three tips in mind, your holiday season is guaranteed to be an awkward disaster.