Photo By Brigitte Tohm
Everyone has that one person that sets your standards so high, it is hard to find someone else to match. I have that and had that for a long time. Whether or not he thinks this or has even thought about me since, I am not sure.
This whole idea started when my friends and I were blowing up our group chat one Monday night with memories of our younger selves and past crushes.
Looking back in the past could be the best and worst thing to ever do. On one hand, seeing how far you have grown, on the other, looking back and seeing every mistake you have made that present you is currently knocking your head on the table.
In this case, what was not spoken was what I regret. Some words are hard to say. Instead of saying them, we let the moments die and the time go by.
I cannot talk about my past without talking about him and the never ended saga of how there was something but we never owned up to our feelings an it turned into a mess. We never dated but whatever that was there never had a definite ending.
Maybe what I thought we almost had was in my head. This is only one side of the story. And that drives me crazy the most. How one sided this all feels. Which sparked this idea even more to share it with you!
The more I thought about this idea, the more I wanted to write about it. Whether or not we would like to admit it, we all kind of have that person. Even if time has past since, we tend to compare people to that one person. I have fallen into that particular category.
As much as I wanted to write about the “almost” I was scared to pitch this idea, that I wrote it fifty different times in fifty different ways. I might be a writer, but explaining and saying how I feel have always been the hardest for me.
I am living in the awkward “We never dated but there might of been something and now they still have this slight hold on me” phase. It is weird and strange but it is also life. They hold such an important part of who I am and it is all based on this line between “kind of” and “almost.” A writer’s worst nightmare!