1) “I left a million dollars in the…”
This one will be quite funny; I think this is a classic! Of course, it’s more likely that no one will believe you. But, if someone does, it’ll be hilarious to see the look on their face when they eventually realize that they’ve been tricked and there was no money at all. Of course, you won’t see it. You’ll be dead.
2) “I changed my will.”
This one only works if you say it to someone who is in your will. It’s to imply that you kicked them out of it.
3) “I’m dead.”
While this won’t be accurate while you’re saying it, it will be the moment right after. Remember all those times you said this, and it wasn’t actually true This will be your attempt to right all those lies you’ve told over the years with a last attempt at the god-awful truth.
4) “Smoking causes cancer.”
You ever wanted to become an anti-smoking advertisement while you were dying? You can with this statement! It’ll be most effective if you actually die from lung cancer that was caused by you smoking too much. You can absolutely say it if you had another cause of death, but who’s going to believe you with no proof of your morbidly decayed body from years of smoking?
5) “God Shannon, your fruit cake is awful.”
This works if you had an annual barbecue and Shannon, a friend from work, invited herself, only to bring something as awful as fruit cake to the party. You tried to convince yourself that you just hated fruit cake and that’s why it tasted terrible, but no one else liked it either. Shannon brought the same fruit cake every year and you didn’t know how to tell her that her stupid fruit cake sucked so you just kept it inside for years. It has built up so much to the point that you couldn’t bear to leave this world without spilling the truth. Bonus points if Shannon is by your deathbed because you know Shannon invites herself to everything.
6) “See you in two months.”
If you really want to spice things up a bit, give a specific time. This way, you make it seem like you know when the person by your deathbed is going to die. Once you die, the person you told this to will be paranoid and watching their back for the next two months.
7) “Tape the next season of Sherlock for me.”
You can’t believe you died without finishing the show, and now, you’ll be living the rest of eternity in the afterlife, just wondering what actually happened. No worries, because I’m pretty sure if your family buries you with the tape of the next season and a television (you would prefer a phone but wifi is terrible six feet under), you can watch from the very own comfort of your coffin.
8) “Clear my browser history.”
I thought I’d end with another classic one. What could be more embarrassing then your family and friends finding out what kinky things you were into when you were alive? But really, who cares.