The conclusion of a relationship can be, at times, quite grueling and emotionally taxing. In other words, it can prove strenuous on our emotional well-being and happiness. Although breakups are often necessary—that is, they serve a definitive purpose—the accompanying sense of grief and heartache may, perhaps, temporarily cloud our judgment—was this abrupt conclusion avoidable or preventable? Does the decision work in our mutual best interest because right now, at this current, I feel horrendous? Or the most salient of the bunch—did we make a dire mistake?
Despite this, when experiencing these somewhat inevitable self-doubts, it remains important to listen to your intuitive, visceral response or what is, perhaps, more commonly known as your “gut feeling.” Ideally, fear should not be the driving force behind these doubts and uncertainties. You are deserving of love. And it’ll come, with time. Although you feel sunken and hollow, at this current moment, this emotional response is fleeting. We heal, we preserve, and we prosper. This pain, therefore, only temporarily resides within our consciousness.
Therefore, here are some quick, little tips. My answer to the proceeding question: how do I move on and cope?
1. A little self-assurance never killed anybody
Offering ourselves a small dose of self-assurance and justification, indeed, serves a hearty and purposeful reason: it’ll undeniably ease some of the dissonances we may presently be experiencing.
How does one justify terminating a relationship with someone you cared for deeply and, perhaps, even loved? In response to the preceding question, one must stand firm and straight. You may, perhaps, wish to follow the proceeding script:
“You made the right decision, babe. It may hurt right now, but breakups happen for a reason”
Key Point: Whatever your internal script may be, talk to yourself with love and tenderness.
2. Remind yourself of the greatness that is you
Look at what you have accomplished. More saliently, look at what you have overcome. You’ve experienced heartache and, of course, you continue to persist (may I add, very successfully). You’ve experienced so much relative pain in your young life, but you have turned that lethal weapon into empathy and compassion. You will do the same, here.
My internal script would resemble something of the following:
“Trying to change myself to fit the relationship never works. I shouldn’t be obligated to dim my own light, so that my partner and I stand on equal footholds. I want someone who challenges me and opens up my worldview. I want to experience the world through love. And I want someone who zealously works to call out and subsequently mitigate the egregious injustices of our surrounding world. I want someone who is motivated, driven, and unyielding. And speaks about their passions with fervor and zeal. I want a challenge. And I want us to be great together. But, unfortunately, I didn’t exactly feel that way with you, I’m sorry. I don’t need nor require better, just different—we are both very different individuals, looking for different things”
3. You don’t need no partner
My internal monologue:
I am strong and independent. I am able to navigate the waters of life without the helping hands of an intimate partner. I want to find an idealistic love, but I certainly do not need it.
(Photo Courtesy: Twitter)
4. Nothing is waste of time if you use your experience wisely and reflect
Engaging in self-reflection is, indeed, a handy and purposeful tool—relationships often hand us a whole plethora of illuminating examples of what we have yet to mend in yourselves. If those experiences, no matter how vile or how hurtful, taught you vital life lessons, then they were not rubbish or, by any stretch of the imagination, wasteful.
For example, one lesson I learned through my most recent relationship remains: You can’t force anything that isn’t intrinsically there. Sometimes you simply have passion, and sometimes you simply do not.
5. Engage in Gratitude and Positive-Thinking
Although this may, perhaps, be especially challenging, please try to extrapolate the good. View the relationship through the conscious lens of gratitude. Indeed:
I appreciate the time and commitment you once gave me. You brought me so much joy and unquestionably so much genuine companionship. Although occasionally rough, unwarranted, and unnecessary, you, in your own distinctive way, tried to ease my burdens and ameliorate my pain and insecurities. For that, I will forever appreciate your presence. Thanks.
6. Recognize that vulnerability is a BEAUTIFUL part of being human!
We’re all imperfect, immoral, sometimes mistaken, but, most importantly, we are so beautifully vulnerable
We’re HUMAN. How beautiful it is to simply, feel, to be human. So welcome in the pain and the hurt, my fellow humans. These are some of life’s greatest lessons.
(Photo Courtesy: Tumblr)