Falling out of love with someone is one of the most confusing experiences imaginable. It’s a slow process, and while in hindsight it’s very obvious what was happening, in the moment you have no idea what’s going on. In an effort to hopefully make this time a little less confusing, I have compiled a list of seven signs (from my own experience) that you’re falling out of love.
1. You start picking fights for no good reason.
This is a sure sign that you’re bored with the relationship. If it gets to the point where you begin seeking out drama just to make you feel something again, then the relationship has run its course. It is a desperate attempt to reignite some fire that has very much died.
2.You stop feeling excited about seeing them.
My ex and I go to different schools, but every weekend one of us would make the trek out to visit the other. By the end of my freshman year, it began feeling like nothing more than a routine—a routine that I didn’t know how to break. I simply stopped getting that giddy, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling when I saw him.
3. It begins to feel uncomfortable saying “I love you.”
I’m not sure when this point came, but there came a point when it began to feel unnatural and insincere to say “I love you” to my boyfriend. Towards the end of our relationship, I wouldn’t say it unless he did and made me feel obligated to reciprocate. Dread might be too strong a word to describe the feeling I got when he said it, but it was something close to that. If this isn’t an obvious sign that you’ve fallen out of love, then I don’t know what is.
4. Things you used to find endearing start to annoy you.
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you discover all of these little quirks they have. When you’re in love with this person, these quirks seem all the more endearing. It’s strange how these very same idiosyncrasies that once made you love someone even more can become things that annoy you about that person. This was one of the biggest signs for me that I was no longer in love.
5. You grow less physically attracted to them.
Hopefully if you’re dating someone you find them physically attractive. I know looks aren’t everything, but they do matter to a certain degree. As time went on, I began to feel less and less attracted to my boyfriend. I blew it off thinking that that was just normal after having been with someone for so long. Looking back I realize how sad it would be to stay with someone that you’re no longer attracted to when you’re only 19 years old. I am definitely too young for that.
6. You stop caring.
Towards the tail end of our relationship, I began to stop caring what he did. If he wanted to talk to other girls (which he didn’t anyway), I simply would not have cared. Jealousy isn’t a good thing, but if imagining your partner with someone else doesn’t bother you, then you probably are not in love with them anymore.
7.You just feel really confused.
I suffered a lot of confusion when I was falling out of love. My boyfriend and I were together for over four years and the idea of ending that seemed terrifying. I was in denial for a long time about what was happening. On paper our relationship was great, but in my heart I knew something wasn’t right. You have to trust your gut. If you have a nagging feeling like it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be.
I hope that this list is helpful for any of you currently in this situation. The best thing to do is be reflective and honest with yourself. Dragging out the relationship and trying to fake it will only hurt your partner more when you inevitably do break up. No matter how long you’ve been together, if you’re no longer in love with your significant other, you both deserve to end the relationship. Once you do, you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.