My story
When people find out I have a boyfriend they usually get overly excited and giggly. (Dang, is it that surprising I was able to trick a guy into liking me?) I get the obligatory questions like, “What does he look like?” “Have you met his parents,” and “How long have y’all been dating?” Honestly, I’m excited to answer them. We’ve only been dating for six months, and we’re still in the honeymoon phase, a phase I hope we never leave. But the truth is, our situation hasn’t always been so rosy.
I used to be a stalker (kind of).
Don’t get me wrong. I never went outside legal boundaries or sat outside his house looking through his window at night or anything, but I did do any and every thing in my power to get him to notice me and to ultimately earn the ‘girlfriend’ title.
I first saw him at the gym where he worked, and I fell in like immediately. It was like at first sight, if you will. My interest was sparked, but I didn’t quite know what to do with it. So I did nothing. Then I started seeing him in the dining hall. A coincidence? Probably. But I convinced myself that it was a sign! So I started going at the same time on the days that I would see him, desperately hoping he would notice me. He didn’t.
My next initiative was to ask everyone that I knew that worked at the gym if they knew whom that tall, handsome guy was. Some people told me his name, but most didn’t really know him. My wishes for them to talk to him and put in a good word for me went nowhere.
So naturally, I looked him up on Facebook. When I saw that we had a mutual friend that I’m close with, I called her and asked her how she knew him. She said one of her friends made her add him on FB our freshman year because her friend had a crush on him at that time. She didn’t know him personally. I hovered over the “Add Friend” button but chickened out because I didn’t want him to wonder who this random girl was adding him. I mean, he didn’t even know I existed.
All my leads were leading right to dead ends.
In November, I went to Jacksonville for the Georgia Florida game. I had no intention of looking for guys or doing anything romantic. My focus was on having a good time with my girls. Then one day I saw him on the beach. I went up to him, rather sloppily and encouraged by my liquid confidence, and told him flat out, “You don’t know I exist, but I have a crush on you.” The rest of that day was a blur so unfortunately, I don’t remember his response or what I did next. What I do know is that the very next day I saw him again. We were near the stadium, and something—probably my resurged liquid confidence—urged me to go up to him again. I said, “I know I told you yesterday, but I have a crush on you.” He—completely sober—admitted that he didn’t remember talking to me yesterday. My friend urged him to ask for my number, he did, and then we went our separate ways. That weekend was a huge milestone.
And yet, after that I didn’t get a text. I found out one of my good friends had lab with him, and he told me that my crush was very shy. That, he said, was why I hadn’t gotten a text. I wasn’t convinced, and I told myself that it was time I let my crush go.
Eventually, he texted me once, but by that point, I had pretty much given up so I wasn’t all that enthused. Fast forward a month or two, and it’s Christmas. I went on vacation with my mom to see our family. There wasn’t much to do so I watched Gossip Girl and Scandal reruns on Netflix and scrolled through my phone looking for someone to text. That’s when I came across his name and number.
Something—boredom maybe—prompted me to send him a text. I went out on a limb and was very nervous about it, but I did it anyways. He texted me back, and we communicated for the rest of the Winter Break. When we got back to school, we continued texting, and we ended up going out a few times. Fast forward a few months later, and he asked me to be his girlfriend.
How this applies to you
Now, I’m not telling you to do what I did. You might think my persistence and bluntness were too much. Some girls are more traditional and the thought of pursuing a guy instead of him making the first move is both intimidating and unappealing. I get that. My mindset was just to go after this guy in the same way that I go after everything else. Go for what I want. If it doesn’t turn out great, at least I can say that I tried. And then I can move on to the next great thing. Sadly, nowadays, guys don’t feel as strong of a responsibility to approach girls. What’s more, guys get nervous too! They’re shy, they think they won’t live up to your standards, and they chicken out when it comes to talking to you.
So be bold. Make the first move. Say hello first. Ask your crush on a date night. Sit down next to him if you see him in the dining hall. Strike up conversation. Tell him he looks nice if you like his outfit or notice a fresh hair cut. Utilize mutual friends to find out more about him and have them put in a good word or two. Use any nervousness you might have as and channel your adrenaline to help you go for it.
Guys are just as flattered by the extra efforts you make as you are when they do things for you. He’ll notice.
What do you have to lose?