Going through a breakup is never easy, especially not when you are part of a public couple and have to deal with the relationship issues in the spotlight of the media. Mariam Musa and Warren Phillips were contestants on the British reality TV show, Survival of the Fittest. This show came from the same producers as the show Love Island. Fans fell in love with the interracial couple and continued to follow the pair after the show ended. Mariam Musa already had a YouTube channel but the popularity dramatically increased when the couple started posting videos together. Everything looked great from the outside, but relationships are always different to the people actually in them. In May 2019, the two stopped posting pictures of each other and the YouTube channel reflected the separation. Warren started his own channel and posted a video of his side of the breakup. Mariam later posted a video explaining her side, and let’s just say if that happened to some of us, we wouldn’t be as strong as her. She continues to build her brand and be a strong independent woman, and we have a lot to learn from her. If you have ever been cheated on, here are some reassuring lessons that may help you get through this tough time as you heal from the pain and begin relationships in the future.
- Continuously Pointing Out Behaviors is Not Bringing Up Old Things, It’s Exposing a Pattern
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Being in a relationship where you trust the other person makes it hard to point out things that don’t seem right. The one who is doing the wrongs becomes defensive and tries to play the victim. If you see that something keeps happening and you point out that it has happened before, it can seem like you are bringing up something that you two supposedly “got over.” That’s not always the case. If actions continue to happen, you are exposing a pattern. If someone does something wrong once, chances are they can do it again as long as they think they will get away with it. They may have apologized for it the first time, but they continue to do the same thing. If something isn’t right to you, point it out despite the defense they may put up.
- If You Don’t Feel like You Can Trust Someone, Ask Questions Until You Can
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After someone lies about anything, it is easy to start questioning everything they say. If they can lie about one thing, what will stop them from lying about something else? When trust is lost in a relationship, it is hard to rebuild it. You may forgive them, but in the back of your mind, you are always remembering the lies they told. That may just be the one lie you caught, what about the lies that haven’t come to light yet? If you feel like you can’t trust someone, continue to ask questions until you feel like you can. Mariam Musa said she didn’t want to be the one asking questions after Warren cheated the first time since she had chosen to forgive him. In the end, she wished she would’ve asked the questions. It is okay to ask questions because you have a right to know the truth. If you choose to remain quiet, the other person may think it is okay to keep lying when that is certainly not the case.
- Some People Will Pick Up a Dollar, Even if They Have to Lose the $100 They Have in Their Pocket
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It is very hard to understand why someone would cheat. Especially when you think about how committed you were to the relationship. Why would they ruin the relationship you had for one night with a side chick? There is no excuse for the indiscretions, and don’t drive yourself to understand the mindset the cheater had. In Mariam’s case, Warren cheated with an ex-girlfriend that he dated for three years. Even though they had some kind of connection in the past, Mariam was dedicated to the relationship and Warren was not as committed. If Warren cheated, knowing that it would ruin the relationship, there is no excuse to explain why he did it. If they don’t recognize your worth, they don’t deserve you in the first place.
- If Someone is Intimidated by Your Drive and Success, You Don’t Have to Stoop Down to Their Level
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Thankfully we are in a time when women are allowed to leave the house and be in charge of their own lives, even though some misogynists want to keep us in the home. Although many of us are in college and preparing for a future career, some men may get intimidated by our drive and success. It’s 2019, and some still feel like the guy needs to be the breadwinner for a family to feel like a “man.” Men who are insecure about their masculinity will look for any way to discourage your success because they are intimidated. Don’t let this stop you from being the Girl Boss you are. Who cares if the guy is intimidated? You shouldn’t have to dull your shine from others. If anything, your success should influence healthy competition between you and your partner where you are supporting each other’s endeavors but also striving to be the best you that you can be. Mariam was getting great opportunities to work with brands and was getting more success in her personal life; Warren tried to make it seem like Mariam was too focused on work instead of him which shifted the blame off of him, the one who was cheating, to Mariam, the one who was working to support both of them.
- If You Don’t Want to Be in a Relationship, Don’t Be in One
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When someone cheats mentally or physically, they are looking for something outside of their relationship. They are trying to have the best of both worlds or they are unhappy in the first relationship. Why look for a one night stand, fling, or another relationship when you are already in one? If you are unhappy, end it. Of course, being dumped hurts, especially if it seems like it came out of nowhere, but I think we would all rather be broken up with than be cheated on.
- Every Wrongdoing Comes Out Eventually
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The truth always comes out, which is reassuring, but it doesn’t always come out when we want it to. This is why people can continue doing wrong without you knowing and when you find out, it makes you crazy because it has been going on for too long. The good thing is what goes around comes around, so even though they may have done you wrong, karma always happens when we need it to. The cheaters can’t hide forever, and something will happen where we will always find out. In Mariam’s case, the girl Warren cheated with exposed the affair. At the time when you hear it, you can feel your heart in your stomach but looking out it is a good thing that you found out when you did because it could have gone on longer without you knowing. That hurts even worse.
- You Never Know How Strong You Are Until You Are Put in Hot Water
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After finding out that someone has done you dirty, it can be hard to see your worth. The way you respond to the situation shows how strong you are. You may want to show the guy or girl or whoever you were in a relationship with, “look what you lost,” but don’t give them the power. If you change something, do it for yourself. Feel good about yourself because, in the end, you are the only one who has your back. After Warren cheated the first time, Mariam realized she was not in a place where she could just pick up everything and leave and be comfortable, so she worked hard and got to a place where she could be independent and okay if Warren ever did her wrong again (which he did). Now she has her apartment, dog, and her career, which are stronger than ever. Instead of curling up into a ball and thinking about the relationship, she picked herself up and did something for her and slowly got over the pain. It won’t be easy, and if you just choose to forget about the pain, it would just build up since you are suppressing the feelings. Find what works for you while you are doing your own thing and also healing at the same time. This will make you stronger than you ever knew.
- Don’t Put All of Your Resources into Someone Who Wouldn’t Do the Same for You
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In relationships, it can be easy to envision a future with your partner, which is good, but what if you are the only one who sees a future? Mariam moved in with Warren, and when she found out he cheated, she had to pick up all her stuff and move out, leaving her displaced. Before taking these steps such as moving in with someone, make sure you can trust them or have a plan if things were to go wrong. This may seem like an escape plan, but it is more of a precaution if there isn’t a commitment that you can rely on.
- You are Enough
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Women don’t need men to survive, and any man that does her wrong is disposable. Don’t put all of your self-worth and happiness into a man because they won’t treat it like you would. Giving them the power to control your mood makes you weak. You can’t control other’s actions, but you can control how you choose to handle it. You are enough on your own, whether they recognize your worth or not. When you see how you deserve to be treated, it is easier for you to recognize when someone is not treating you correctly, and you can get out of the relationship.
- The Wrongdoings of Others are Nothing You Should be Ashamed of
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Don’t ever feel like you deserved to be cheated on or that you didn’t do enough to avoid being cheated on. They cheated because they wanted to, and they may try and blame it on you to avoid taking credit for their actions. Like mentioned before, Warren made it seem like he cheated because Mariam was too focused on work. This doesn’t justify the unfaithfulness. Communication should be used to fix the problem. Cheating causes more problems. Everyone knows the effects of cheating when they do it, and they don’t regret doing it, they just regret getting caught. You aren’t the problem, they are.
Realize your worth, and don’t let others steal it from you. Even though most of us aren’t going through breakups where thousands of people are watching, sadly many relationships are ending now due to cheating. Many people don’t like to talk about it and everyone deals with the pain in their own ways. Sometimes seeing that many people are going through the same things, seeing how they dealt with, and how they became stronger can be the light you need. Even if that person couldn’t see your worth, know that you are strong and will make it through in the end.
Check out Mariam’s YouTube channel to follow her new endeavors!