Ladies, we have all been there. You met the perfect man. He’s handsome, smart, and sweet with a charming smile and dazzling eyes. He is simply the man of your dreams. There’s only one problem: he’s not really your man. So, what? A girl can dream, right? We laugh about our silly antics, but overly fantasizing about a guy is not healthy. Here are five signs that you are claiming a man that’s not yours, so you can gauge when your fun fantasies become deadly delusions.
1. If you refer to him as “boyfriend,” “boo,” “future husband,” etc.
“Aww, you guys would be so cute together.” “You two should get married.” These are perfect examples of comments that put you on the fast track to Fantasyland. Admiring a guy and desiring to get know him is one thing, but publicly declaring your allegiance to him is another. Does everyone in the world know that your crush is “your man,” except him?
Regularly referring to your crush in a possessive manner is a common mistake. We perceive this habit to be playful and innocent, but perhaps you are planting seeds in your mind that he is already yours. In fact, “your boo” might have already have a “boo” which can further complicate the situation. Who’s tuned into Scandal? Be selective about who you discuss your crushes with because you need honest friends to help keep the idea of a relationship in perspective.
2. If you stalk him on social media.
Looking at a guy’s social media is a great way to learn about the kind of person he is. You can discover his interests and find out whether or not you two would have something in common. However, social media stalking, creeping, lurking, ghost following, or any other obsessive behavior is an indicator that you may have gone a little too far. Once he appears on your suggested list on Instagram and his profile is consistently on the top of your recent searches on Facebook, it’s time to pump the breaks, sweetheart.
Yes, you like him, and you want to see what he’s doing or who he’s hanging out with, but you can’t get too caught up in his life that you stop living your own. If you are interested in someone, get to know them through personal interaction. Social media is just a small glimpse of someone’s life; there is so much more to discover about a person than what’s on their Snapchat story.
3. If you get jealous when you see him with another girl.
Whenever you like someone, it’s natural to feel a little discomfort when you see him give someone else attention, but if you feel an overwhelming wave of jealousy when “your man” is with another member of the female species, check yourself.
Discomfort can develop into bitterness. Liking someone should enhance your life, so if your crush having a girlfriend or a platonic relationship with another female causes you to harbor negative emotions choose to recenter your focus. Reevaluate your motives because genuinely caring about someone means that you want what’s best for them. Grow up, girlfriend. Learn to be content whether he’s happy with you or he’s happy with someone else.
4. If you overanalyze every interaction you have with him.
Whenever he texts you first, you do a victory lap around your dorm. If he calls you, you let the phone ring a few times before you pick up, so you won’t look too desperate. Yeah, girl, we know. Talking to that special guy is worth being excited about. You deserve a happy dance or two, but if his presence causes you to become over-analytical or change your behavior, it’s time to look at the woman in the mirror.
No matter why he doesn’t respond to your text or give you the amount of attention you desire from him in person know that you are complete with or without his affirmation. Consider your motivations for liking him. You may realize that you don’t like him, but rather you like the idea of being with him. At the end of the day, there may be more benefits in being his friend because not having a fun, natural flow of conversation isn’t a solid foundation for a relationship.
5. If you have planned a future with him.
You have it all figured out, don’t you? Every single detail is planned. The dress, the venue, the flowers, and the perfect princess-cut diamond ring is awaiting on your Pinterest board. It’s exciting, isn’t it? There’s no harm in having dreams, but is your future based on an 18-22 year-old dude having an interest in you?
Often times, we do things in relationships and other aspects of our lives, that aren’t inherently bad, but they are not beneficial. Envisioning a white picket fence, two kids, and a golden retriever with “your man” isn’t wrong, but it can possibly lead to disappointment if he is not interested in you. Getting your hopes up to have a future with a guy that you are not currently in a relationship with could potentially cause you unnecessary heartbreak. Establish boundaries and be patient, so you can do what’s best for you.